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CONCERN LEVEL ADVISORY (What we should worry about for this week) | CRITICAL: Hegseth requiring all military personnel be manscaped SEVERE: Having only 4 months to learn Spanish HIGH: Starbucks stores turning into Dollar Stores ELEVATED: Afraid that eventually this fascist shit is gonna stop being funny GUARDED: Overlapping Halloween & Christmas displays LOW: Tree leaves quiet quitting

The Top 5 Tactics Used by Really Dumb Terrorists | Insist on dress rehearsals for every suicide mission. In order to undermine democracy and make American leaders appear weak, spread rumors that the US president has had extramarital sex. Add LSD to San Francisco's water supply. Threaten to detonate a doomsday weapon that will turn North Dakota into a frozen, uninhabitable wasteland. "We are prepared to visit great harm upon your country's most beloved military leader, Colonel Sanders." A version of this list was first published on October 5, 2001. Writer credits: 5> Peter Rogers, Austin, TX 4> Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN 4> Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA 3> Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ 3> Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA 2> Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA 1> John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI

Top5 for 10/6/25