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New NFL Rules for 2024 | Once sacked, QBs have to play the remainder of the drive in a supine position. Group hugs required before huddles break. Tom Brady is not allowed to play in any game in which he is also a TV commentator. Head official for each game will be an actual zebra. Prior to each play, the quarterback must obtain clearly-stated consent before placing his hands under the center for the snap. Touchdown dances must be simple enough for the white guys to join in. A licensed neurologist must confirm if Aaron Rogers actually has a concussion or if he's just babbling about ayahuasca and ivermectin because he heard about them on a podcast. Gridiron will be flipped 90 degrees to make the format more TikTok-friendly. Onside kicks must now touch Taylor Swift before possession by the kicking team. After scoring a touchdown, the team can attempt the extra point, go for a two-point conversion, or try to fold a fitted sheet.

New NFL Rules for 2024 | Selected from 78 submissions sent in by 29 contributors. Once sacked, QBs have to play the remainder of the drive in a supine position. (Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ) Group hugs required before huddles break. (Meg Silvern, Tucson, AZ) Tom Brady is not allowed to play in any game in which he is also a TV commentator. (Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY) Head official for each game will be an actual zebra. (Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA) (Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC) Prior to each play, the quarterback must obtain clearly-stated consent before placing his hands under the center for the snap. (Brad Hamer, Austin, TX) Touchdown dances must be simple enough for the white guys to join in. (Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA) A licensed neurologist must confirm if Aaron Rogers actually has a concussion or if he's just babbling about ayahuasca and ivermectin because he heard about them on a podcast. (Danny Gallgher, Dallas, TX) Gridiron will be flipped 90 degrees to make the format more TikTok-friendly. (Kim Moser, New York, NY) Onside kicks must now touch Taylor Swift before possession by the kicking team. (Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA) After scoring a touchdown, the team can attempt the extra point, go for a two-point conversion, or try to fold a fitted sheet. (Richard Koppinger, Hamilton, NJ)

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Sep 4, 2024

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