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The Top 10 Things Overheard During Back-to-School Week | "No, you have it backwards. It's the librarian for weed and the janitor for meth." "Mom packed me a healthy lunch again. Does anybody want to trade a vape for some quinoa?" "Why are the geeks getting all the girls nowadays?" "When the seniors shove me into my new locker this year, it's a little bigger and it smells better." "True, the other moms are taking 'first day of school' photos, but you're a Ph.D. student, for Christ's sake." "The principal just sued the school newspaper, tariffed the exchange students, and named the gym after himself. Finally, some leadership!" "I know it's expensive, Mom, but all the kids are wearing the Prada bullet-proof vest this year." "If you can write your paper with an AI, I can grade it with an F." "It was amazing. My mom talked to Mr. Manning in private for twenty minutes and I didn't get in trouble." "Make sure you have your house key, sweetie. Mommy's hitting the liquor store on the way home and won't hear you knock."

The Top 10 Things Overheard During Back-to-School Week | Selected from 61 submissions sent in by 23 contributors. Writer credits: "No, you have it backwards. It's the librarian for weed and the janitor for meth." (Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH) "Mom packed me a healthy lunch again. Does anybody want to trade a vape for some quinoa?" (Brandon Eldridge, Marine, IL) "Why are the geeks getting all the girls nowadays?" (Vic Vitek, Tamworth, NH | Mike Ranston, Scottsdale, AZ) "When the seniors shove me into my new locker this year, it's a little bigger and it smells better." (Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA | Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA) "True, the other moms are taking 'first day of school' photos, but you're a Ph.D. student, for Christ's sake." (LD Petterson, College Park, MD) "The principal just sued the school newspaper, tariffed the exchange students, and named the gym after himself. Finally, some leadership!" (LeMel Williams, Oakland, CA) "I know it's expensive, Mom, but all the kids are wearing the Prada bullet-proof vest this year." (Richard Koppinger, Hamilton, NJ | Tim H. Richweis, New Haven, CT) "If you can write your paper with an AI, I can grade it with an F." (Kim Moser, New York, NY) "It was amazing. My mom talked to Mr. Manning in private for twenty minutes and I didn't get in trouble." (Brandon Eldridge, Marine, IL) "Make sure you have your house key, sweetie. Mommy's hitting the liquor store on the way home and won't hear you knock." (LD Petterson, College Park, MD)

Top5 for 8/19/26

Things Overheard During Back-to-School Week

Chris White

Aug 19, 2026

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