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The Top 12 Reasons Your Child Needs a Pardon | Drew a hand turkey with just one middle-finger feather. Turns out their "paper route" was actually running bags of money through TSA checkpoints. The neighbors' poodle WAS asking for it. Way too many replays of "Baby Shark." Has hundreds of boxes of his fellow 4th grade friends' homework stored in his bathroom. Apparently didn't realize "All-You-Can-Eat Buffet" didn't include the other diners. When he plays doctor, always insists on being an OB/GYN. "Volunteering as a crossing guard" and "trafficking children" are NOT the same thing. His science fair project: "Creating a Better Mass Burial Site" Plenty of kids use a magnifying glass to burn ants. But aunts? Let him among us whose child has not sold uranium on the dark web cast the first stone. The new dent in the bumper is vaguely Mom-shaped.

The Top 12 Reasons Your Child Needs a Pardon | Selected from 64 submissions sent in by 23 contributors. Drew a hand turkey with just one middle-finger feather. (Mike Whitmire, Houston, TX) Turns out their "paper route" was actually running bags of money through TSA checkpoints. (Danny Gallagher, Dallas, TX) The neighbors' poodle WAS asking for it. (Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL) WAY too many replays of "Baby Shark." (Mike Whitmire, Houston, TX) Has hundreds of boxes of his fellow 4th grade friends' homework stored in his bathroom. (Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY) Apparently didn't realize "All-You-Can-Eat Buffet" didn't include the other diners. (Vic Vitek, Tamworth, NH) (Tim H. Richweis, New Haven, CT) When he plays doctor, always insists on being an OB/GYN. (Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC) "Volunteering as a crossing guard" and "trafficking children" are NOT the same thing. (Carl Knorr, Schaumburg, IL) His science fair project: "Creating a Better Mass Burial Site" (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN) (Mike Ranston, Scottsdale, AZ) Plenty of kids use a magnifying glass to burn ants. But aunts? (Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH) Let him among us whose child has not sold uranium on the dark web cast the first stone. (Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL) The new dent in the bumper is vaguely Mom-shaped. (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN)

Top5 for 12/4/24

Chris White

Dec 4, 2024

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