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The Top 12 Signs Santa Is Over It at This Point | Slowing things down this year, he replaced the reindeer with flying sloths. Leaves gifts outside the front door, emails you the picture. Shows up on Dec 27 and says "Look, man, linear time is mostly your thing, ok?" Everyone gets socks Arrives at your house driving a Trans Am with a bumper sticker that says "My Other Ride Is Behind Rudolph's Ass." Refuses to pay Trump tariff to enter US airspace. Then I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, "Don't these little bastards already have enough shit?" Naughty List is now everyone except cats. Your kid's letter to North Pole results in a reply that begins, "Hello, {first_name}. Your letter is very important to us..." The Hellfire Cluster Gift Delivery System is efficient but creates enormous elflateral damage. Left the cookies, took your Ozempic. Forget your little brother; Santa himself will shoot your friggin' eye out.

The Top 12 Signs Santa Is Over It at This Point | Selected from 62 submissions sent in by 22 contributors. Writer credits: Slowing things down this year, he replaced the reindeer with flying sloths. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA) Leaves gifts outside the front door, emails you the picture. (David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO) Shows up on Dec 27 and says "Look, man, linear time is mostly your thing, ok?" (LeMel Williams, Oakland, CA) Everyone gets socks (Bill Muse, Seattle, WA) Arrives at your house driving a Trans Am with a bumper sticker that says "My Other Ride Is Behind Rudolph's Ass." (Reid Kerr, Sugartit, KY) Refuses to pay Trump tariff to enter US airspace. (Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC) Then I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, "Don't these little bastards already have enough shit?" (Carl Knorr, Schaumburg, IL) Naughty List is now everyone except cats. (Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN) Your kid's letter to North Pole results in a reply that begins, "Hello, {first_name}. Your letter is very important to us..." (Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL) The Hellfire Cluster Gift Delivery System is efficient but creates enormous elflateral damage. (Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL) Left the cookies, took your Ozempic. (LeMel Williams, Oakland, CA) Forget your little brother; Santa himself will shoot your friggin' eye out. (Fred Tingler, Melissa, TX)

Top5 for 12/17/25

Chris White

Dec 17, 2025

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