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Signs Mr. and Mrs. Claus Are Going Through a Rough Patch | Santa wakes up to find Dasher's bloody head at the foot of his bed. Despite the cold, cops in the front yard talking to a shirtless Santa is a common sight. Her repeated under breath references to "Saint Dick." Santa now has three lists: "Nice," "Naughty," and "Elf-Banging North Pole Harlots." Elfin voices repeatedly shouting "On Vixen!" inside Mrs. Claus's yoga studio. Santa trims the beard to a goatee, gets a Peloton, and trades in the sleigh for a Ford Mustang with the license plate "HE CS U" The elves are calling him "Santa Cuck" behind his back. "By 'Frosty,' are you referring to the snowman or our bedroom?" Sixteen elves just switched their relationship status to "It's complicated."

Signs Mr. and Mrs. Claus Are Going Through a Rough Patch | Selected from 89 submissions sent in by 32 contributors. Credits: Santa wakes up to find Dasher's bloody head in his bed. (Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA) Despite the cold, cops in the front yard talking to a shirtless Santa is a common sight. (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA) Her repeated under breath references to "Saint Dick." (Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH) Santa now has three lists: "Nice," "Naughty," and "Elf-Banging North Pole Harlots." (Vic Vitek, Tamworth, NH) Elfin voices repeatedly shouting "On Vixen!" inside Mrs. Claus's yoga studio. (John C. Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI) (Tim H. Richweis, New Haven, CT) (Slick Sharkey, Clayton, GA) Santa trims the beard to a goatee, gets a Peloton, and trades in the sleigh for a Ford Mustang with the license plate "HE CS U" (Reid Kerr, Sugartit, KY) The elves are calling him "Santa Cuck" behind his back. (David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA) "By 'Frosty,' are you referring to the snowman or our bedroom?" (Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA) (John C. Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI) Sixteen elves just switched their relationship status to "It's complicated." (Mike Vance, Fayetteville, TX)

Top5 for 12/13/23

Chris White

Dec 13, 2023

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