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The Top 10 Signs Your Dog Is NOT a Good Boy | You throw the stick, he returns with your neighbor's Stradivarius. Rather than letting you rub his belly, he tells you he sees you as a friend. Uses dog communication buttons, but only to say, "What's in it for me?" Refuses to get his shots because he heard on Joe Rover's podcast that they make you hear sirens 24/7. Saw Timmy fall down a well, didn't say shit. Digs you out of the avalanche but the cask around its neck has King Cobra malt liquor instead of whiskey. You tell him to fetch your slippers. He tells you about your wife and the mailman. Never asks for consent before humping a leg. Sets up an OnlyFans so he gets paid every time he licks his balls. Sit, stay, roll over, play dead? All good. Speak? His eyes go black and he bark/growls in Latin.

The Top 10 Signs Your Dog Is NOT a Good Boy | Selected from 57 submissions sent in by 21 contributors. You throw the stick, he returns with your neighbor's Stradivarius. (Chris White, Olympia, WA) Rather than letting you rub his belly, he tells you he sees you as a friend. (Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY) Uses dog communication buttons, but only to say, "What's in it for me?" (David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO) Refuses to get his shots because he heard on Joe Rover's podcast that they make you hear sirens 24/7. (Chris White, Olympia, WA) Saw Timmy fall down a well, didn't say shit. (Bill Muse, Seattle, WA) Digs you out of the avalanche but the cask around its neck has King Cobra malt liquor instead of whiskey. (Jeremy Shelley, Possum Trot, KY | Mike Ranston, Scottsdale, AZ) You tell him to fetch your slippers. He tells you about your wife and the mailman. (Peter Bauer, Delft, The Netherlands) Never asks for consent before humping a leg. (Richard Koppinger, Hamilton, NJ | Bill Muse, Seattle, WA) Sets up an OnlyFans so he gets paid every time he licks his balls. (Kim Moser, New York, NY) Sit, stay, roll over, play dead? All good. Speak? His eyes go black and he bark/growls in Latin. (Carl Knorr, Schaumburg, IL)

Top5 for 11/19/25

Chris White

Nov 19, 2025

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