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The Top 14 Signs You Will Not Be Named Top Chef | Haven't these judges ever heard of the Five-Minute Rule? That guac was still clean! Mashed potatoes aren't supposed to throb. Hello Fresh is sure taking their sweet-ass time getting your dish to the judges in on time. Even RFK Jr won't touch your Roadkill Tartare. All your cooking TikToks end "and top it with a handful of sprinkles of crushed Cheetos, of course." When tasked to prepare a dish with a Dutch oven, you head to the bedroom. Your bundt cake turned into a 1-4-3 double play. You're the first contestant to enter Round 2 with fewer fingers than you had in Round 1. That "chef's French kiss" was entirely inappropriate, dude. Your take: It's not really a birthday cake without a little placenta. Your signature "Legume paste with fruit gelee arranged on a brioche pillow" is clearly just a PB&J. You're cooking the dogs! You're cooking the cats!

Signs You Will Not Be Named Top Chef | Selected from 89 submissions sent in by 31 contributors. Credits: Haven't these judges ever heard of the Five-Minute Rule? That guac was still clean! (Jay Shuck, Minneapolis, MN | Mike Ranston, Scottsdale, AZ) Mashed potatoes aren't supposed to throb. (Chuck Salerno, Merrimack, NH) Hello Fresh is sure taking their sweet-ass time getting your dish to the judges in on time. (Danny Gallgher, Dallas, TX) Even RFK Jr won't touch your Roadkill Tartare. (Richard Koppinger, Hamilton, NJ) All your cooking TikToks end "and top it with a handful of sprinkles of crushed Cheetos, of course." (Kim Moser, New York, NY) When tasked to prepare a dish with a Dutch oven, you head to the bedroom. (Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA) Your bundt cake turned into a 1-4-3 double play. (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA) You're the first contestant to enter Round 2 with fewer fingers than you had in Round 1. (Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL) That "chef's French kiss" was entirely inappropriate, dude. (Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL | Tim H. Richweis, New Haven, CT) Your take: It's not really a birthday cake without a little placenta. (LD Petterson, College Park, MD) Your signature "Legume paste with fruit gelee arranged on a brioche pillow" is clearly just a PB&J. (Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ | Carl Knorr, Schaumburg, IL) You're cooking the dogs! You're cooking the cats! (Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA)

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Chris White

Oct 9, 2024

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