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The Top 14 Signs Your Presidential Campaign Is Cooked   |   The balloon drop at your last rally was all miniature Hindenburgs.  You've spent months campaigning in the wrong Georgia.  The ghost of Francis Scott Key demands you stop playing The Star Spangled Banner at rallies.  Even impoverished children in third-world countries refuse to wear your merch.  When John Kornacki goes to the big board, it shows your Republican opponent with 57%, and your Democratic opponent with 52%.  Only debate you could get was with a homeless guy about chem trails.  "What do you mean it's not THAT Four Seasons?"  No candidates. No registered voters. Not even a cap. But at least your Anarchy Party has a cool name and logo.  "They're eating the dogs! They're eating the cats! They're eating my lunch!"  Being named Adolf Saddam Stalin proved too difficult to overcome.  Your name, Margie O'Farrell, was accidentally misspelled on the ballot as “Margin of Error.”  Highlights for Children endorses Goofus.  Your confusing swing-voters and swingers has resulted in a few strange interview moments.  The actor chosen to play you on the SNL debate sketch? Bruce Willis.
The Top 14 Signs Your Presidential Campaign Is Cooked   |   Selected from 84 submissions sent in by 30 contributors.  The balloon drop at your last rally was all miniature Hindenburgs. 	(J.J. Gertler, Scientists’ Cliffs, MD)  You've spent months campaigning in the wrong Georgia. 	(Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ)  The ghost of Francis Scott Key demands you stop playing The Star Spangled Banner at rallies. 	(Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA)  Even impoverished children in third-world countries refuse to wear your merch. 	(Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)  When John Kornacki goes to the big board, it shows your Republican opponent with 57%, and your Democratic opponent with 52%. 	(Vic Vitek, Tamworth, NH)  Only debate you could get was with a homeless guy about chem trails. 	(Bill Muse, Seattle, WA)  "What do you mean it's not THAT Four Seasons?" 	(Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA) 	(Richard Koppinger, Hamilton, NJ)  No candidates. No registered voters. Not even a cap. But at least your Anarchy Party has a cool name and logo. 	(Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia)  "They're eating the dogs! They're eating the cats! They're eating my lunch!" 	(Brad Wilkerson, Mesa, AZ)  Being named Adolf Saddam Stalin proved too difficult to overcome. 	(Dave Wesley, Sacramento, CA)  Your name, Margie O'Farrell, was accidentally misspelled on the ballot as “Margin of Error.” 	(Jeffrey Anbinder, Brooklyn, NY)  Highlights for Children endorses Goofus. 	(J.J. Gertler, Scientists’ Cliffs, MD)  Your confusing swing-voters and swingers has resulted in a few strange interview moments. 	(Brandon Eldridge, Marine, IL)  The actor chosen to play you on the SNL debate sketch? Bruce Willis. 	(Tim H. Richweis, New Haven, CT)

Top5 for 10/30/24

Chris White

Chris White

Oct 30, 2024
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