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NOTE FROM CHRIS:

Today's list is a slightly edited Top5 classic from January 14, 1998.

New Year’s Resolutions of Top 5 List Contributors | 9> Do my very best not to offend any of those whiney thin-skinned minorities or fanatical, nut-case organizations. Especially militia buttheads and dumb chicks. 8> See a doctor about that sore. 7> Fewer references to frozen tofu burritos. 6> Out: monthly checks to that Nicaraguan orphan. In: an extra espresso every day. 5> Sometime this year, get to at least #4 on a list. 4> Fed Ex the bribe money to Chris White instead of faxing it. 3> Strive to maintain high level of sexual activity. Consider adding the occasional partner. 2> Buy more Beano stock. 1> Elevate humor from infantile to sophomoric.

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New Year’s Resolutions of Top 5 List Contributors | Selected from 121 submissions from 45 contributors. Today’s credits: Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1 Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 2 Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 3, 6 Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 4 Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 5 David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 7 Ken Shinodo, Keizer, OR — 7 Kim Moser, New York, NY — 7 Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 8 Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 9 Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 9 Kris Kettner, Fond du Lac, WI — Topic

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Chris White

Jan 3, 2024

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