October 31, 2001
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
In this day and age, when America is fighting
a war against an unseen enemy, it's difficult
for people to know just who the bad guys are.
We here at TopFive decided to take a break from
our usual duties as humor list writers in order to
perform a public service by presenting this list
of terrorist organizations that do not get the
attention of the media the way Al Qaeda does...
The Top 20 Little-Known Terrorist Organizations
- Al Quesadilla -- fighting for Mexican cheese appetizers
- B.R.A. (Banana Republican Army) -- khaki-wearing freedom fighting yuppies
- International House of Paramilitarism -- No attacks before breakfast!
- Al Shamu -- whales fighting for liberation of their Seaworld-captive brethren
- Ku Klutz Klan -- clumsy cross-burning rednecks
- Kabob-aloos -- Cuban freedom fighters armed only with skewers
- The IRAs -- little nebbish guys who annoy the hell out of people, with pants hiked high to conceal their Glocks
- El McPherson -- band of crazed-from-hunger Supermodels
- The Moulin Rouge -- French Communist song and dance troupe
- The Spanish Imposition -- Your Tia Josephina comes for a visit, stays for a month, and lounges around all day watching Spanish soap operas with the TV volume blasting.
- Al Kato -- freeloading houseguests who move in and eat all your food
- The Talibananarama -- spreading the message of bad British '80s dance music
- Hamina-hamina-hamas -- freedom fighters for Jackie Gleason
- Balsamic Jihad -- fundamentalist food critics
- "Weird Al" Qaeda -- attacking the capitalist, American government by spreading their revolutionary message in the form of a rousing polka medley
- The Black Pansies -- black-gloved horticulturists
- Yeehaw Jihad -- "The Cowboys of Chaos"
- Al Ro'ker -- eighty percent chance of a Rain of Terror!
- Falun Bong -- Uhm... hey, man, what are we fighting again?
and the Number 1 Little-Known Terrorist Organization...
- Pujafudin-Pujafudout -- spreading the terror that is the Hokey Pokey
Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.
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Selected from 106 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 1, 20 (9th #1) Email / Website
- Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 2
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 3, 12 Email
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 4, 8, 17, Topic (Hat Trick!) Email
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 4 Website
- Matt Moore, Fresno, CA -- 5 Email
- Perry Friedman, Monterey, CA -- 6 Email / Website
- Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 6 Email
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 7
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 9, 16, 19 (Hat Trick!) Email
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 10 Email / Hall of Famer
- Craig Stacey, Romeoville, IL -- 10 Email / Website
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 11
- Pat Sajak, Los Angeles, CA -- 13, 15 Website
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 14
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 14
- Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 18 Email
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 20 Email / Website
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 20 Hall of Famer
- Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 20 Email
- Gareth Nelson, whereabouts unknown -- Banner tag
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- Runner Up list name Hall of Famer
- Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- Honorable Mention list name
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Insane Clown Posse, Detroit, MI -- Ambience (explanation)