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The devil made us do it.
October 25, 2001


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

Today's list was compiled from suggestions sent
in by our lovely and talented ClubTop5 subscribers.


The Top 17 Dumbest Signs of the Apocalypse


    1. The Four Horsemen, War, Famine, Pestilence and Death, have been replaced by The Four Bowlers of the Apocalypse: Frank, Herb, Clyde, and Fat Joey.

    2. My father's socks actually match.

    3. "And lo, the Warrior Jordan said unto his people that he would not return, and yet, in the first year of the new millennium, he did return, in the garb of a Wizard."

    4. McDonald's: "666 Billion Served"

    5. Due to pressure from P.E.T.A., the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are seen crammed into a Yugo in the carpool lane.

    6. The sky is black. The sea is blood. Demons run freely over the land. The sign ahead says: "You've passed Apocalypse. Use turnaround 2 miles."

    7. The Great Cheez-Whiz Tidal Wave eliminates sinners at NASCAR events.

    8. In an eerie moment of stillness, all Weebles stop wobbling.

    9. Violating centuries of uninterrupted compliance to the natural order, someone's husband replaces the empty roll of toilet paper.

    10. Newest Ben & Jerry's flavor: Death by Nuclear Holocaust

    11. Hell freezes over, but it's a light freeze, and L. Ron Hubbard plunges through the ice.

    12. "It is my great pleasure to introduce this year's recipient of the special Oscar for Lifetime Achievement in Film... Sir Pauly Shore!"

    13. Not only has everyone in the office mutually agreed on where to eat lunch, but the decision was made in under 15 minutes.

    14. Due to budget cuts, the Four Horsemen -- previously War, Famine, Pestilence and Death -- are now Sniffles, Hunger Pangs, Flatulence, and Ennui.

    15. Fast food cashier strangely indifferent to whether you want fries with that.

    16. The Great One will arise in the East -- and then set in the West.

      and the Number 1 Dumbest Sign of the Apocalypse...

    17. Four very young horsemen seen riding around and around in front of Wal-Mart.

Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.



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Selected from 401 submissions from 211 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Brooke Disbrow, Canton, MI -- 1 (Woohoo!)
  • David Vincent, Sydney, Australia -- 2
  • Jack Griem, New York, NY -- 3
  • Chris Conway, Buffalo, NY -- 4
  • Matt Dragonfly Drury, Orlando, FL -- 4
  • Padraic Glendenning, Largo, FL -- 4
  • Julie Keefer, Raleigh, NC -- 5
  • Matt Pagano, Chicago, IL -- 6
  • Ben Ostrowsky, Brandon, FL -- 7, Honorable Mention list name
  • Michael Grove, Staunton, VA -- 8
  • Donna Carsten, East Berne, NY -- 9
  • James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- 9
  • Liz Scott, Madison, AL -- 10
  • Chad Deal, Statesboro, GA -- 11
  • Dan Thompson, Austin, TX -- 12
  • BT Cesul, Ann Arbor, MI -- 13
  • Bo Najdrovsky, Plano, TX -- 13
  • Ilene Morgan, Rolla, MO -- 14
  • Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY -- 14
  • Chip Ford, Bronx, NY -- 15
  • William Nienke, Dallas, TX -- 16
  • Marc Dutro, Grove City, OH -- 17
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- Topic
  • Kevin van Houten, The Colony, TX -- Banner Tag
  • Mark Hewitt, Livermore, CA -- Runner Up list name
  • Caroline Brown, London, UK -- Runner Up list name
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • R.E.M., Athens, GA -- Ambience   (explanation)

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