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Got your nose!
October 24, 2001


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

A novelty act from Australia called "Puppetry of
the Penis" currently touring the U.S. features two
naked performers manipulating their genitals into
various shapes for the amusement of their audience.


The Top 15 Signs Your Partner is
Moonlighting as a Penis Puppeteer


    1. When he slides on a condom, a little voice says, "S'alright."

    2. His suggestion of "Miss Piggy style" makes you rather uncomfortable.

    3. His underwear is permanently stretched into the outline of a swan.

    4. When you touch him suggestively he says, "Not now, Honey, we go on in an hour."

    5. He can't take a leak without a follow spot and a drum roll.

    6. He actually gets upset when you can't make your "Juliet" talk to his "Romeo" from the little makeshift balcony.

    7. Every time he puts on a condom, he starts talking in that silly muffled voice.

    8. You hear weird Cockney accents in the bedroom and rush in to find him whacking his costumed member with a tiny little baton.

    9. More than once, you've finished foreplay with a mouthful of yellow felt.

    10. "How about this? Does it look more like Shirley Temple now?"

    11. When he says they're blue, he's talking turquoise -- with sparkles!

    12. Cringes when Chuck E. Cheese makes a balloon dog.

    13. All your doilies smell like crotch.

    14. Just replaced his foreskin with a tiny Banana Republic turtleneck.

      and the Number 1 Sign Your Partner is Moonlighting as a Penis Puppeteer...

    15. You casually mention you'd like to go to Paris, and the next night it's sporting a little beret.

Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.



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Selected from 105 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 1, 12 (21st #1) Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 2, 8 Email
  • Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 3, 14 Email / Website
  • Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 4 Email / Website
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 4 Email
  • Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 5, 11 Email
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 6 Email
  • Don Swain, Rochester Hills, MI -- 6 Email
  • Craig Stacey, Romeoville, IL -- 7, Banner Tag Email / Website
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 9 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 10 Email
  • Lisa Lavoie, Warwick, RI -- 11 Email
  • Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 13 Email / Website
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 15
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- Topic Email / Hall of Famer
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • The American Breed, Chicago, IL -- Ambience   (explanation)

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