[an error occurred while processing this directive] [an error occurred while processing this directive]
Typo fre for 14 days!
October 17, 2001


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

A California think tank that works on virtual
training programs for the Army has assembled some
of Hollywood's top talent to brainstorm possible
terrorist plots, including the co-writer of "Die Hard."


The Top 13 Helpful Hints Given
to the Pentagon by Hollywood
(Part I)


    1. Make sure to issue a statement that no animals were harmed during the bombing.

    2. Those satellite recon photos add a good 10 pounds.

    3. Make sure whatever post-Taliban coalition government you form includes Gwyneth or Julia, if you want it to open big.

    4. First you let bin Laden tell you all the details of his evil plan, THEN you send a cruise missile up his ass.

    5. Bin Laden's base is most likely beneath a fake lake in a dormant volcano.

    6. Recipe for success: Secretary of Defense who "plays by the book," and Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff who "cuts corners, uses his street smarts, and gets the job done."

    7. Green Berets: Good. Elite team of black-leather-clad ninja babes: Better.

    8. Beat bin Laden at Baccarat right in front of his scantily-clad escort.

    9. Earth tones? Camouflage? Hello? That is *so* 1980's!

    10. Always reserve one seat on every plane for a disgruntled ex-cop with a bad attitude.

    11. Do not appoint Robert Downey, Jr. for any wartime post that requires perfect attendance.

    12. Whatever you do, don't hold the after-war party at Spago -- their calamari is like rubber bands!

      and the Number 1 Helpful Hint Given to the Pentagon by Hollywood...

    13. There can be no defense whatsoever against a sudden attack of Mariah Carey's acting.

Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.



[an error occurred while processing this directive]

Selected from 107 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 1, 3, 4 (6th #1) Email / Website
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 2, 6 Website
  • Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 5 Email
  • Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- 7 Email / Website
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 8 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 9 Email
  • Bob Van Voris, New York, NY -- 10
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 11, HM list naem Hall of Famer
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 12 Email
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 13, RU list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Dave Lim, Chicago, IL -- Topic
  • Ross Brown, Seattle, WA -- Banner Tag Email
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Brian Wilson, Hawthorne, CA -- Ambience   (explanation)

[an error occurred while processing this directive] [an error occurred while processing this directive]