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October 16, 2001


These days, many Americans are concerned that
in order to ensure our safety, some of our
precious civil liberties will be trampled on.
TopFive has discovered that it's ALREADY happening...

The Top 15 New Encroachments on Our Civil Liberties

    1. Cab drivers now have the right to frisk you, and to make you frisk them.

    2. Constitution re-worded to say, "life, liberty and the pursuit of mild temporary contentment."

    3. New mandatory 7-day waiting period to buy nerve gas.

    4. Public library computer users now allowed to pleasure themselves only to images from federally-approved porn sites.

    5. Slaves will now be counted as whole people instead of 3/5 of a person.

    6. Formerly-free speech now runs 99 cents for the first 60 minutes, 35 cents for each additional minute.

    7. Your email can be intercepted at--NO IT CAN'T. IGNORE THIS MAN.--any time.

    8. "Pants" added to shirt and shoe requirements for service.

    9. Terms of "Reasonable Search and Seizure" expanded to law enforcement officers to perform "unauthorized silicone frisks" on really hot chicks.

    10. After special act of Congress, "Zestfully Clean" now 20% less zestful.

    11. Successfully ordering Denny's "All-American Breakfast" now requires a grueling written exam.

    12. Single-trip salad bar at Shoney's now enforced by tazer-wielding guard.

    13. Garth Brooks poised to come out of retirement.

    14. "Bag of Anthrax Spores with Small Explosive Device #3" removed from the Museum of Modern Art.

      and the Number 1 New Encroachment on Our Civil Liberties...

    15. No longer allowed to scream "Oh, the humanity!" every time you see a blimp.

Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.

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Selected from 116 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Craig Stacey, Romeoville, IL -- 1, 8 (10th #1) Email / Website
  • Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 2, 13
  • Sharon Silva, Clarksville, TN -- 3 Email
  • Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 4
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 5 Email
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 6, 12 Website
  • Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 7, 10
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 7, Banner Tag Email
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 9, 15, Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 10 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 11 Email / Website
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 12 Email
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 14 Email
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator, HM list name Email
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Free, London, England -- Ambience   (explanation)

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