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All Natural Herbal Breast Enhancer
October 11, 2001


The Top 15 Things on Osama bin Laden's To-Do List


    1. Shave, change gender, bleach hair blond, change name to "Desiree" and move to Paris to pursue my dream of becoming a dancer!

    2. Unplug flashing neon "Osama's Place!" sign.

    3. Redeem gift certificate for Honey Baked Ham before it expires.

    4. Order another gross of Change of Address cards.

    5. Delete Pakistani prime minister from my AOL Buddy List.

    6. Trim beard down to sassy goatee to look more "dangerous."

    7. Quit smoking opium. Man, the crazy stuff I do when I smoke opium!

    8. Order some gingham curtains from Pottery Barn to brighten up the cave.

    9. Stop by Toys 'R' Us and pick up some more friggin' Pokemon crap for the kids.

    10. Complete metamorphosis into adult housefly.

    11. Have Cosmo subscription forwarded to Hindu Kush bunker.

    12. 11:30 Eat Fruit Rollups while watching "Friends" via bunker satellite.

    13. Call Century 21. List the cave. Stat!

    14. Pitch "Who Wants to Marry The World's #1 Most Wanted Man" concept to FOX.

      and the Number 1 Thing on Osama bin Laden's To-Do List...

    15. Devise plan to get in the pants of that capitalist dog, Britney Spears.

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runner up submissions for this list.



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Selected from 127 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 1 (9th #1) Email / Website
  • Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI -- 2 Email
  • Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 3
  • John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 4 Email / Website
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 4 Website
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 5, 8, Runner Up list name Email
  • Chris Irby, Dallas, TX -- 5
  • Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 5
  • Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 6 Email / Website
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 7, Banner Tag, Topic Email
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 8 Email
  • Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI -- 9
  • Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 10 Website
  • Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 11
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 12, 13 Email / Website
  • Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 14 Email
  • Ann Bartow, Bartow, FL -- 15
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 15
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- HM list name Hall of Famer
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • The Clash, London, England -- Ambience   (explanation)

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