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Did you order the Code Red?!?!
October 10, 2001


The Top 14 Cool Ways to Tell Your Boss You're Quitting


    1. "Sir, could please sign here [present left butt cheek]... and here [present right butt cheek]."

    2. Two words: caca pie

    3. Email your resignation letter to him -- one character at a time.

    4. Let the zero balance in the operating fund and one-way ticket to Barbados on your expense report speak for you.

    5. "Take this job and shove it -- like a truck stop waitress's size 13 ass in a pair of size 7 K-Mart Capri stretch pants."

    6. Go in to see him wearing a monkey suit, and, well, the rest of it involves feces.

    7. "Sorry, Osama, but Iraq's offering twice the money and full benefits, plus there's a Navy SEAL team standing right outside your window."

    8. Say it with an FTD "Bye-bye, You Ball-Busting Bitch" bouquet.

    9. "I've chosen to pursue other opportunities, starting with the opportunity to have you kiss my ass goodbye."

    10. Appointicate Jesse Jackson to emissariate the deliveration of your resignatory letteration.

    11. "Dude, you know that thing you do, when it's, like, time to leave? Not leave, you know, for the day, but, you know, LEAVE leave? I'm all over that."

    12. Skip urgent staff meeting and "accidentally" get caught having sex with Elizabeth Hurley on boss's desk.

    13. Wendy's Haiku: Open before me: A thousand highways of joy. Cook your own damn fries!

      and the Number 1 Cool Way to Tell Your Boss You're Quitting...

    14. SEXYLADY861> LOL its really me -- BILL! u suk!!! i quit!!!!

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Selected from 85 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Chris Irby, Dallas, TX -- 1 (8th #1)
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 2, 6 Email
  • Joe Desiderio, New York, NY -- 3
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 4 Email
  • Ashley Deckard, Houston, TX -- 5, 7, 11
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 8 Website
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 9, 13
  • Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 10 Email
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 12 Email
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 14 Email
  • Mark Levine, Los Angeles, CA -- Topic Email
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- Banner Tag Email / Hall of Famer
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- RU list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Honorable Mention list name Email
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Don Eugene Lytle, Greenfield, OH -- Ambience   (explanation)

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