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Warning: Not to be used as a pain killer.
October 8, 2001


The Top 15 Innovative Ways to Delay Orgasm


    1. Rubber bands and duct tape, baby!

    2. Ask for an instant replay review on all holding calls.

    3. Only have sex with people who aren't very good at it.

    4. Imagine your mother doing exactly what you're doing, only better.

    5. Think about baseball (not for use by George Will).

    6. Alt+Tab back to Excel. Repeat until download completes.

    7. Get into Dungeons & Dragons while still in high school -- that'll delay it by 30 years or so.

    8. Barbara Bush bed sheets.

    9. Expose your organ to a sensation-deadening substance -- like your Significant Other, for example.

    10. "Linda Tripp on a cold day... Linda Tripp on a cold day..."

    11. Mentally alphabetize your entire pantyhose collection by color; then start on hers.

    12. Relax and remind yourself that she's not charging you by the minute.

    13. Imagine how much trouble you'll be in if Hillary catches you.

    14. Don't touch the sides, a la "Operation."

      and the Number 1 Innovative Way to Delay Orgasm...

    15. Have her dress like Captain Janeway instead of Lieutenant Uhura.

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runner up submissions for this list.



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Selected from 116 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 1, 4 (7th #1)
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 2 Email
  • Bob Van Voris, New York, NY -- 3, 11
  • Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 4 Email / Website
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 5
  • Chris Irby, Dallas, TX -- 6
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 6
  • Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- 7 Email / Website
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 8 Hall of Famer
  • Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 9 Email
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 9 Email / Website
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 10 Email
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 12 Email
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 13 Email
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 14 Hall of Famer
  • Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 15 Email
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- Topic Email
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- RU list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Holly Johnson, Liverpool, England -- Ambience   (explanation)

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