October 5, 2001
The Top 15 Tactics Used by Really Dumb Terrorists
- In the ransom note, creatively substitute "sponge bath" for "slow, painful death."
- "...and if our demands are not met, David Arquette, Joan Rivers and Don King will ALL meet gruesome ends!"
- "If you don't immediately cease all meddling in the business of other countries, I'll turn this car around!"
- Insist on dress rehearsals for every suicide mission.
- "You are a winner, George W. Bush!! You have won a fantastic all-expense-paid trip for you and your family to the vacation paradise Afghanistan."
- Buy enough tickets to keep "Glitter" in theaters another week.
- "Brothers and sisters, our years of meticulous planning and training will pay off when we strike our glorious blow against the Great Satan in front of a world television audience, 5 minutes into the 2nd quarter of the 2002 XFL championship game!"
- In order to undermine democracy and make American leaders appear weak, spread rumors that a national US political figure has had extramarital sex.
- "Drive this bus to Cuba! NOW!!"
- Steal infidel, imperialist humor list; read it on infidel, imperialist morning zoo radio funhouse -- without giving credit.
- Add LSD to San Francisco's water supply.
- Having exhausted all their resources, all future attacks will consist of one terrorist crouching behind you while another pushes you backwards.
- Threaten to detonate a doomsday weapon that will turn North Dakota into a frozen, uninhabitable wasteland.
- "...and we'll use a can of that Silly String to tie up the hostages."
and the Number 1 Tactic Used by Really Dumb Terrorists...
- "We are prepared to visit great harm upon your country's most beloved military leader, Colonel Sanders."
Join ClubTop5 to check out the
runner up submissions for this list.
[an error occurred while processing this directive]
Selected from 122 submissions from 46 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 1 (4th #1)
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 2 Email
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 3, 9
- Dan Johnson, Champlin, MN -- 4, 14 Website
- Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 5
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 5, Banner Tag Email
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 6 Email
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 7 Website
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 8 Hall of Famer
- Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 8
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 10 Hall of Famer
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 11
- Peter Rogers, Austin, TX -- 12
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 13 Email
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 14, 15 Email / Hall of Famer
- Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 14, Topic
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA -- 14
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 14 Email
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 14
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- Topic Hall of Famer
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- Runner Up list name Email
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- R.E.M., Athens, GA -- Ambience (explanation)