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TopFive.com
The following takes place between 5:05 a.m. and 5:55 a.m.
June 14, 2007


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

It's Little Fiver Month!

Today's list was compiled by
Top5 Military moderator Michael Cunningham.

Top5 Military archives

Subscribe to the Little Fiver lists!


The Top 14 Worst Opening Lines of a Military Novel


  1. "It was the best of mines, it was the worst of mines."

  2. "Out on the battlefield, the screams rivaled Paris Hilton's courtroom sobs for her mommy."

  3. "We all knew that on this day some of us, like that impossible-to-housebreak dog Dad sent to live on a farm somewhere far away, were not coming back."

  4. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a relatively cushy posting to a National Guard unit."

  5. "His last words gurgled in his throat as his trachea leaked like the rays of the first dawn over Normandy."

  6. "From the look on the VA doctor's face, I could tell my recovery from my battlefield injury was going to be difficult -- but not as difficult as explaining to my CO how I managed to jam the M-16 with my scrotum in the fir

  7. "Don't I look pretty in my new dress?" Sarge asked just as the Kraut machine guns tore him apart.

  8. "Private First Class Daisy Deluca didn't need any body armor -- she was stacked."

  9. "Undercover Military Intelligence Officer Rachel Lemon followed Abdul al-Azir into his home, lay back on his bed, and asking him how he felt, heard his satisfied response of 'Emboldened, my desert flower, emboldened.'&qu

  10. "Billy had never showered with an entire room of naked men before, but, strangely, he was certain he could get used to this."

  11. "The smoke from a hundred campfires settled over the encampment like a tutu over the thighs of a fat ballerina."

  12. "Sergeant Dirk Granite was a man's man, who liked manly things, and liked his men, and whose men liked him, in the manly, regular way."

  13. "I couldn't handle the truth."

    and the Number 1 Worst Opening Line of a Military Novel...

  14. "'Awww, wook at da fuzzy widdle kitty-cat!' said the sarge as he lifted up the kitten and kissed it on its little kitty lips."



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Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
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Selected from 95 submissions from 34 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 1 (7th #1)
  • Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 2, 13
  • Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 3
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 4 Website
  • David Zechiel, Lake Forest, CA -- 5
  • David Kass, Queens, NY -- 6, 7 Hall of Famer
  • Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 8
  • Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 9 Website
  • Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 10 Website
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 11 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 12 Hall of Famer
  • Jeff Johnson, Los Altos, CA -- 14
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- List moderator, Topic
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Bad English, San Francisco, CA -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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