May 23, 2008
The Top 15 Ways We at TopFive
Are Helping to Save the Environment
- Only using 100 percent post-consumer recycled paper and soy-based inks when photocopying our butts.
- Fleet of TopFive Hummer stretch limos replaced by rickshaws pulled by orphaned children.
- Less reliance on hard-to-biodegrade condoms than on recyclable Juggs magazines.
- Our dates? 100 percent recycled plastic!
- Prodigious quantities of methane gas produced by TopFive staffers now harnessed to power Chris White's collection of personal massage implements.
- Preserving our personal energy by not having sex since 1978!
- All TopFive humor is 90 percent post-consumer content. And you *don't* want to know where we get the raw material.
- The good news: Carbon footprint smaller.
The bad news: Carbon assprint much, much larger.
- TopFive contributor's lounge now 87 percent fuel efficient on "Bean burrito Tuesdays."
- TopFive corporate policy mandates that all contributors use only sustainable, locally-grown organic weed.
- Cutting our wastewater in half by now showering every *other* month.
- Using far less paper by publishing Top 5 lists instead of, say... oh, Top 14 or Top 15 lists.
- Until cloning is possible, the chance of any of us reproducing is virtually nil.
- Outright laughter ejects trace amounts of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, but quiet chuckles don't. So we're working diligently to keep it down to "vaguely droll."
and the Number 1 Way We at TopFive Are Helping to Save the Environment...
- By using an army of unpaid shut-ins, Chris White has been able to create an Internet empire with the carbon footprint of a lemonade stand.
Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.
Selected from 105 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 1, 7 (23rd #1)
- Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 2, 15
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 2 Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 2 Hall of Famer
- Gordon Sherman, San Antonio, TX -- 3, 12
- Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 3
- Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 3, 4
- Steve Huntington, San Jose, CA -- 4
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 4
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 4 Hall of Famer
- Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 5, 6 Website / Hall of Famer
- Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA -- 5
- Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 6, 9
- Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 7, 8, Topic
- Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 9
- Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 10
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 11, 14 Hall of Famer
- Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA -- 12
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 13 Website / Hall of Famer
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 13 Hall of Famer
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag
- Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- List moderator
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- Marvin Gaye, Washington, D.C. -- Ambience (explanation)