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TopFive.com
We put the "hum" in "humor."
June 26, 2007


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

It's Little Fiver Month!

Today's list was compiled by
Top5 Medicine moderator Kim Walker-Daniels.

Top5 Medicine archives

Subscribe to the Little Fiver lists!


The Top 12 Ways to Improve Doctor/Nurse Relations


  1. The practice of congratulating surgeons on a job well done by dumping bedpans over their heads will be abolished.

  2. Simple: Put the doctors at one hospital and the nurses at another.

  3. After three write-ups, doctors must take behavior-modifying drugs. (The "drugs" are just placebos, but they are administered in suppository form by the complaining nurses.)

  4. Random paycheck and schedule swaps!

  5. Doctors who prescribe meds that make patients puke will be required to answer stat pages to clean it up.

  6. Goodbye "Casual Fridays."
    Hello "Stethoscope-and-Hospital-Gown-Only Fridays!"

  7. Every time the tele monitor pings, everybody does a shot.

  8. "Hide the tongue depressor" contests will now be professionally judged.

  9. Each doctor will spend two shifts per week changing bedpans for $18 per hour. Each nurse will spend two shifts per week rounding on patients for $300 per five-minute visit.

  10. Doctors will dispense with condescending and haughty attitudes and treat the nursing staff like valued human beings. Nurses will refrain from using nicknames such as "Dr. Dumbass" in front of patients.

  11. Surgeons and residents rounding on the unit are now required to inhale helium before sharing their opinions on patient care with the nursing staff.

    and the Number 1 Way to Improve Doctor/Nurse Relations...

  12. The unit displaying the most improvement in doctor/nurse relations each week will get to beat the crap out of the hospital administrator of its choice.



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Selected from 89 submissions from 32 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 1 (28th #1) Hall of Famer
  • Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 2
  • Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- 3, 9
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 4 Hall of Famer
  • Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 5 Website
  • Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL -- 6
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 7
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 7 Hall of Famer
  • Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA -- 8
  • Josh Sinnett, Bellingham, WA -- 10
  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 11
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 12 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- Banner Tag
  • Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- List moderator, Topic
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Jethro Tull, Blackpool, England -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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