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TopFive.com
Made with real creamery butter!
June 21, 2007


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~

It's Little Fiver Month!

Today's list was compiled by
Top5 Travel moderator Douglas Franks.

Top5 Travel archives

Subscribe to the Little Fiver lists!


The Top 16 Things That Don't
Ease Your Fear of Flying


  1. You recognize the pilot as the winner of the airport bar's 9:00 a.m. Jaeger Bomb contest.

  2. As you're waiting to board you see your pilot buying extra life insurance, a fifth of Scotch and the latest copy of "Today's Jihadist."

  3. Whenever someone gets up mid-flight to head to the lavatory, the stewardess yells, "Dead man walkin'!"

  4. You know your lunatic drunk of a former college roommate is a pilot for a major airline.

  5. Each passenger is being asked to bring a quart of oil in their carry-on.

  6. Watching the flight attendants demonstrate how to attach your seat belt, put on your oxygen mask, inflate your life vest, treat whiplash, apply a tourniquet, settle a flight insurance claim....

  7. The first class seat next to you is reserved for the spare tire changer -- and his spare tire.

  8. In addition to being able to purchase drinks, snacks, entertainment options and pillow, the flight attendant offers an array of parachutes and casualty insurance options.

  9. "Er... this is your stewardess speaking. Are there any, um, *other* pilots on board?"

  10. "Hello, and we are thanking you for with you us flying Outsource Air!"

  11. "Greetings: this is your pilot speaking. Since I know many of you are seeing Manhattan for the first time, I'm going to fly really low so you can get a great look at the buildings."

  12. As passengers file onto the plane, you overhear the pilot mutter, "Gosh, I guess we really are doing this, then."

  13. You notice that the identification badge on your pilot's lapel is for Taco Bell.

  14. The stewardess makes "air quotes" with her fingers every time she says "Captain."

  15. Seeing other passengers going into a screaming mid-flight panic -- especially when those passengers are on a different plane.

    and the Number 1 Thing That Doesn't Ease Your Fear of Flying...

  16. The pilot's guide dog has a major attitude problem.



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Selected from 109 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 1 (5th #1)
  • Brad Hamer, Austin, TX -- 2
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 3 Hall of Famer
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 4, 11 Hall of Famer
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 5, 14 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 6
  • Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 7, 16
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY -- 8
  • Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 9 Hall of Famer
  • Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 10
  • Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 12 Website
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 13 Hall of Famer
  • Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 15
  • Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX -- Moderator, Topic, Banner tag
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Suzy Bogguss, Aledo, IL -- Ambience   (explanation)

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