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May 2, 2008


A 7-year-old Palm Beach Gardens boy took his
grandmother's Dodge Durango for an eight-minute
joy ride and left a smoking trail of damage
in his wake, striking (among other things) two
mailboxes, two parked cars and two *moving* cars.

Asked why he did it, the brat responded,
"I wanted to do it 'cuz my friend was in the
car with me. I took it on a high-speed chase."

"But Chris, how can WE tell if there's
a dangerous tot on the road nearby?"

Glad you asked...

The Top 17 Signs the Driver in Front of You Is a Kid

  1. Keeps tossing lollipop sticks and juice boxes out the window.

  2. Bumper sticker: "The driver is an honor student at MacArthur Elementary."

  3. Years of "Grand Theft Auto" practice left him ill-prepared for his attempt to jump the Michigan Avenue drawbridge. Damn shame about the tour boat, too.

  4. Actually knows how to use the overly complicated GPS system.

  5. Elbow out the driver's side window, clutchin' a can of Similac.

  6. At a light, you hear him ask the driver in the next lane, "Excuse me, do you have any purple ketchup?"

  7. Driver side door layered with bubble gum and boogers.

  8. All you can see are knuckles on the steering wheel and a tuft of NON-blue-rinsed hair -- and the car just drove right past a Luby's.

  9. When he enters a school zone, he purposely picks up speed.

  10. Doesn't pay attention to the road while talking into his tin-can-on-a-string phone.

  11. Bumper sticker: "Ask me about what I just made in my pants."

  12. His super-subwoofer stereo blasts "The Wheels on the Bus" at eardrum-liquefying volumes.

  13. Rear-window decal shows Calvin peeing on broccoli.

  14. He has to use his other hand to hold down his index and ring fingers when he flips you off.

  15. That's no hood ornament; his younger brother is duct-taped to the hood.

  16. He is being pursued by a dozen police cars, three news helicopters and Michael Jackson's limo.

    and the Number 1 Sign the Driver in Front of You Is a Kid...

  17. His chrome Truck Nutz haven't fully descended.

Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.

Join today!

Selected from 98 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 1 (36th #1) Website / Hall of Famer
  • Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 2
  • David Kass, Queens, NY -- 3 Hall of Famer
  • Lori Petterson, Fairfax, VA -- 4
  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 5
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 6, 10 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 7, 15
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 8 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Gideon Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa -- 9
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 10, 12
  • Boyd Johnson, San Diego, CA -- 10
  • Michael Sheinbaum, Guilford, CT -- 11 Website
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 13 Hall of Famer
  • Marshal Perlman, Irvine, CA -- 14 Website
  • Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 16
  • Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 17
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 17 Hall of Famer
  • Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- Topic
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Kiss, New York, NY -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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