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TopFive.com
Betcha can't laugh just once.
May 29, 2008


The Top 14 Signs Someone's
Not Qualified to Be a Superhero
(Part II)


  1. The ability to "leap pre-schoolers in a single bound" is not much of a power. In fact, it's actually rather creepy.

  2. Just because people constantly ignore you doesn't mean you're invisible.

  3. "Irony Man" will probably *never* strike fear in the hearts of evildoers.

  4. Misunderstandings seem to plague Wide-Stance Tapping Man.

  5. Your ability to curdle milk with a mean glance won't even get you a role in the X-Men movies.

  6. The "M" on his chest is for Methuselah Man, and he's not really very adept at using that walker as a weapon.

  7. When he's in trouble, the commissioner would probably prefer to send up a signal rather than drive around looking for a guy with a "Will Be Heroic for Food" sign.

  8. People can smell the "Brown Streak" before they can even see him.

  9. Knits his own cape.

  10. His spiffy toolbelt and ability to solve a myriad of problems are impressive, but his "uncanny sensory perception" is due mostly to the cameras Superintendent-Man surreptitiously installed in your bathroom.

  11. Can't even get his Legion of Subordinates to refer to him as "ExcelMaster Gary."

  12. Her version of Kryptonite is being lactose-Intolerant and bruising easily.

  13. Trust me, Lex Luthor doesn't wait for Red Rover to summon him over.

    and the Number 1 Sign Someone's Not Qualified to Be a Superhero...

  14. Superman flies around Earth so fast that he reverses the planet's rotation and rolls back time. Rotating your tassels in opposite directions merely brings Thanksgiving dinner to a bizarre halt, Bob.



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Selected from 88 submissions from 31 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- 1 (19th #1)
  • Andrew Thomas, Shrewsbury, MA -- 2
  • Terry Ramsdell, Ann Arbor, MI -- 3
  • Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID -- 4
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 5 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 6 Hall of Famer
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 7 Hall of Famer
  • Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 8
  • Randy Pan, Sulphur, LA -- 8
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 9 Hall of Famer
  • Caryn Kennealy, Glendale, CA -- 9
  • Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 10 Website
  • Randy Lee, Burke, VA -- 11
  • Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA -- 12, 13 Hall of Famer
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 14 Hall of Famer
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Big Fish Ensemble, Atlanta, GA -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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