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May 28, 2008


The Top 14 Signs Someone's Not
Qualified to Be a Superhero
(Part I)


  1. Won't travel to towns that don't have AA meetings.

  2. Takes him *two* bounds to leap tall buildings.

  3. Wonder Woman uses her Golden Lasso to get the truth. *He's* wiring an Army field telephone to your gonads.

  4. He's only spent four years in the Superhero Senate!

  5. For some reason, Dahmer-Man keeps losing his boy sidekicks.

  6. Soiling one's drawers at the first sign of peril seems to work on only the most olfactory-sensitive evildoers, Scatman.

  7. Heat vision + myopia = yet more state park deforestation.

  8. Although swimming upstream is an admirable quality, there just isn't much need for SuperSalmon.

  9. Can only see through wet T-shirts.

  10. The day's never *officially* been saved by Excess Comma Reducing Man.

  11. His call-to-arms catch phrase: "We *must* draft legislation!!"

  12. Unless supervillains have built their sinister lairs inside beer cans or cleverly disguised themselves as 7-Eleven microwave burritos, he hasn't vanquished a damned thing since junior high.

  13. Morning wood not so much a mutant power as a side effect of the Cinemax After Dark Saturday lineup.

    and the Number 1 Sign Someone's Not Qualified to Be a Superhero...

  14. "So, Thunderbird and Mad Dog, we meet once again! Let's see how you do *this* time, without Night Train's help!"



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Selected from 88 submissions from 31 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Randy Pan, Sulphur, LA -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
  • Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 2 Website
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID -- 4
  • Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 5
  • David Kass, Queens, NY -- 6, 11 Hall of Famer
  • Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 7
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 8 Hall of Famer
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 9 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 10, Topic
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 12
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 13 Hall of Famer
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 14 Hall of Famer
  • Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 14
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Tina Turner, Nutbush, TN -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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