About Us

  Previous Lists
  Greatest Hits
  Hall of Fame

  You Really Like Us!

  Store    Privacy
  Links!   Contact

Top 5 List RSS feed
What' s this?

Members Only


  Little Fivers

Sponsored Links

Natural remedies
for people & pets

Long Lost Friends:
Used/Rare Books

The Bible Online

This site hosted by
Try TopFive's new medical insurance!
May 28, 2008

The Top 14 Signs Someone's Not
Qualified to Be a Superhero
(Part I)

  1. Won't travel to towns that don't have AA meetings.

  2. Takes him *two* bounds to leap tall buildings.

  3. Wonder Woman uses her Golden Lasso to get the truth. *He's* wiring an Army field telephone to your gonads.

  4. He's only spent four years in the Superhero Senate!

  5. For some reason, Dahmer-Man keeps losing his boy sidekicks.

  6. Soiling one's drawers at the first sign of peril seems to work on only the most olfactory-sensitive evildoers, Scatman.

  7. Heat vision + myopia = yet more state park deforestation.

  8. Although swimming upstream is an admirable quality, there just isn't much need for SuperSalmon.

  9. Can only see through wet T-shirts.

  10. The day's never *officially* been saved by Excess Comma Reducing Man.

  11. His call-to-arms catch phrase: "We *must* draft legislation!!"

  12. Unless supervillains have built their sinister lairs inside beer cans or cleverly disguised themselves as 7-Eleven microwave burritos, he hasn't vanquished a damned thing since junior high.

  13. Morning wood not so much a mutant power as a side effect of the Cinemax After Dark Saturday lineup.

    and the Number 1 Sign Someone's Not Qualified to Be a Superhero...

  14. "So, Thunderbird and Mad Dog, we meet once again! Let's see how you do *this* time, without Night Train's help!"

Our ClubTop5 members get to see the
Runner Up and Honorable Mention items
for today's list, plus much MUCH more.

Join today!

Selected from 88 submissions from 31 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Randy Pan, Sulphur, LA -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
  • Reid Kerr, Tyler, TX -- 2 Website
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 3 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID -- 4
  • Travis Ruetenik, Hiroshima, Japan -- 5
  • David Kass, Queens, NY -- 6, 11 Hall of Famer
  • Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA -- 7
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 8 Hall of Famer
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 9 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- 10, Topic
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 12
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 13 Hall of Famer
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 14 Hall of Famer
  • Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA -- 14
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Tina Turner, Nutbush, TN -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

© Copyright 1994-2010.  All rights reserved. and The Top 5 List are owned by Chris White.
Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.