was born in 1970, condemning him to a decade of outrageous children's fashion. Handsome and athletic as a schoolboy, Tom would disdain the more glamorous recess games of kickball and wallball, opting instead to study the Civil War under the shade of an elm tree. In college, he learned to seek knowledge and truth, and to drink a can of domestic beer in under four seconds. Tom's dream of a career in professional ice hockey was dashed when he showed up at tryouts in figure skates and was beaten senseless.
Upon hearing the news of his enshrinement in the TopFive Hall of Fame, Tom vomited. The ensuing celebration nearly took over the entire non-smoking section at the local Friendly's. This achievement is quite an honor for Tom, but he is proudest of his beautiful and supportive wife and two sons (names withheld at their insistence). They are pictured here in one of their many public service endeavors, in this case hiding Tom's physique from a grateful Jersey Shore community, where the family maintains a sprawling coastal retreat, aptly named "My Parents' Condo."
When not crafting top-notch humor, Tom enjoys sports, amusement parks, and Pepperidge Farm Pretzel Goldfish.
Inducted in 2005