Mark D. Sabien
Our story commences in a sleepy neighborhood nestled within the burgeoning Iowa metropolis of What Cheer, where a mild-mannered cubicle-interred numbers wonk -- weary from a day of life insurance reserve calculation and diligent Bible study -- retired to his computer for some "cancer-curing research" and hours later, tired and hungry, arrived at Chris White's Internet doorstep.
From there, events turned sordid quickly as our protagonist found himself hooked on the humor crack peddled by the TFiveCrew, and relief from his crushing debt could only be negotiated by succumbing to "Fagin" White's demand of loyalty and servitude. Thus began Mark's stint as an online satire Paladin: have pun, will travel.
In 2005, nearly three years after the Faustian deal had been struck, Mark discovered the whole episode to be a ruse perpetrated by the T5 Initiation Hazing Committee, whose members apparently spaced off informing him that the pledge period had ended long before. In exchange for waiving any lawsuits, Mark was compensated for subsequent psychiatric expenses and granted admittance to the hallowed TopFive Hall of Fame.
Or at least this is the agreed-upon settlement language. However, if you wish to brave the seedy depths of the Web to uncover the real story, you might first inhale deeply before ambling on over here.
Inducted in 2005