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ClubTop5
Aim at assailant's face, press button and spray.

December 27, 1999


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
Today's list was compiled from entries
sent in by our ClubTop5 subscribers.


The Top 14 Things Overheard
at the Office Holiday Party


    1. "So I said, 'Irv, if you don't put down that damn automatic rifle, you can just forget about that raise'."

    2. "President Clinton, the copier is not a toy."

    3. "To all employees: Please go to xmasparty.com for your free holiday drink."

    4. "Hot hors d'oeuvres for 1,000: $2500; Santa Suit for the CEO: $50; Hearing them whine for a raise: priceless!"

    5. "Wow! Do you invite ALL your new interns to see the oval office?"

    6. "What do they mean, 'year end profit'? We're an Internet company!"

    7. "Oh, puh-leeze! I'll bet he put the copier on zoom 200%."

    8. "Damn!!! Mistletoe everywhere and *I've* got that sexual harassment charge hanging over me."

    9. "The company policy is 'No Office Romances' -- it says nothing about cheap, meaningless sex on the boss's desk."

    10. "Here's your Zima, Mr. Gore."

    11. "When the boss called me into his office to give me a pink slip, I didn't think he wanted me to *wear* it."

    12. "Don't worry, we have plenty of time to get the Nuclear Missile Launch program Y2K compliant, besides, I always code better after a few drinks."

    13. "Why, Mr. Gates! Another copy of Windows! You shouldn't have."

      and the Number 1 Thing Overheard at the Office Holiday Party...

    14. "Oh, man, Bob's making photocopies of his ass agai-- BOB, WAIT!! THAT'S THE SHREDDER!!!"

Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 153 submissions from 80 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 1 (Woo-Hoo!)
  • Lynda Burney, Costa Mesa, CA -- 2
  • Matthew Van Opens, Kensoha, WI -- 3
  • Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 4
  • Scott Naness, Staten Island, NY -- 5
  • Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD -- 6
  • Cheri Hoyt, Binghamton, NY -- 7
  • Naomi Rose, Farmingdale, NY -- 7
  • Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 8
  • Evan Simper, Goblin Valley, UT -- 9
  • Alexis Iglauer, Cologne, Germany -- 10
  • Elizabeth Thompson, Atlanta, GA -- 11
  • Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 12
  • Colin Walker, Bellevue, WA -- 13
  • Bonnie Davis, Indianapolis, IN -- 14
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA -- Topic
  • Lori Carmona, Manassas, VA -- Banner tag
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Runner Up list name
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- Honorable Mention list name
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
  • Johnny Paycheck, Greenfield, OH -- Ambience     (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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