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Aim at assailant's face, press button and spray.

December 27, 1999

Today's list was compiled from entries
sent in by our ClubTop5 subscribers.

The Top 14 Things Overheard
at the Office Holiday Party

    1. "So I said, 'Irv, if you don't put down that damn automatic rifle, you can just forget about that raise'."

    2. "President Clinton, the copier is not a toy."

    3. "To all employees: Please go to for your free holiday drink."

    4. "Hot hors d'oeuvres for 1,000: $2500; Santa Suit for the CEO: $50; Hearing them whine for a raise: priceless!"

    5. "Wow! Do you invite ALL your new interns to see the oval office?"

    6. "What do they mean, 'year end profit'? We're an Internet company!"

    7. "Oh, puh-leeze! I'll bet he put the copier on zoom 200%."

    8. "Damn!!! Mistletoe everywhere and *I've* got that sexual harassment charge hanging over me."

    9. "The company policy is 'No Office Romances' -- it says nothing about cheap, meaningless sex on the boss's desk."

    10. "Here's your Zima, Mr. Gore."

    11. "When the boss called me into his office to give me a pink slip, I didn't think he wanted me to *wear* it."

    12. "Don't worry, we have plenty of time to get the Nuclear Missile Launch program Y2K compliant, besides, I always code better after a few drinks."

    13. "Why, Mr. Gates! Another copy of Windows! You shouldn't have."

      and the Number 1 Thing Overheard at the Office Holiday Party...

    14. "Oh, man, Bob's making photocopies of his ass agai-- BOB, WAIT!! THAT'S THE SHREDDER!!!"

Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 153 submissions from 80 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 1 (Woo-Hoo!)
  • Lynda Burney, Costa Mesa, CA -- 2
  • Matthew Van Opens, Kensoha, WI -- 3
  • Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA -- 4
  • Scott Naness, Staten Island, NY -- 5
  • Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD -- 6
  • Cheri Hoyt, Binghamton, NY -- 7
  • Naomi Rose, Farmingdale, NY -- 7
  • Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 8
  • Evan Simper, Goblin Valley, UT -- 9
  • Alexis Iglauer, Cologne, Germany -- 10
  • Elizabeth Thompson, Atlanta, GA -- 11
  • Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ -- 12
  • Colin Walker, Bellevue, WA -- 13
  • Bonnie Davis, Indianapolis, IN -- 14
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA -- Topic
  • Lori Carmona, Manassas, VA -- Banner tag
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Runner Up list name
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- Honorable Mention list name
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
  • Johnny Paycheck, Greenfield, OH -- Ambience     (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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