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John Rocker is a bonehead.

December 23, 1999

Charles Schulz, the creator of Peanuts,
is going to retire the comic strip, with
January 3rd's strip being the last one for
Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Lucy and the gang.

The Top 12 Things on Charlie Brown's To Do List

    1. Bite into Peppermint Patty and get the sensation.

    2. Cash the Met Life policy and jet off to Juarez with the little red-haired girl to see if "collar and cuffs" match.

    3. Speak to my shrink about that jazz piano music that follows me around everywhere.

    4. Get Peppermint Patty that Indigo Girls album she's been asking for.

    5. Begin rap career as Snoop Master C.

    6. Two words: new shirt

    7. After bottling it up for almost 50 years, go to a local mall and just curse wildly at children for a few hours.

    8. Get barber school tuition from Dad. Blow it on booze and hookers.

    9. Tell the dog that if he can pilot a plane, he can get his own damn dinner.

    10. Begin auditioning actresses for "It's Your First Threesome, Charlie Brown.

    11. With Schultz finally out of the picture, stick that football where only Lucy's proctologist can find it.

      and the Number 1 Thing on Charlie Brown's To Do List...

    12. Get Prozac, get Rogaine, get Viagra, and get busy with the little red-haired girl.

Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 150 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • David Kass, Queens, NY -- 1 (17th #1)
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 2
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 2 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 3
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 4 Email
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 5 Email
  • John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 6 Email / Website
  • Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 7
  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL -- 7 Email / Website
  • Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 7 Email
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 7 Email / Website
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 7
  • Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 7 Email
  • Joe DiPietro, Brooklyn, NY -- 7, 8 Email / Website
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 7, Runner Up list name Email / Website
  • Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 9, 10 Email
  • Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 11
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 12 Email / Website
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- Honorable Mention list na Email
  • Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- Topic
  • Rob Wells, Paris, France -- Topic Email
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Calvin Broadus, Long Beach, CA -- Ambience     (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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