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This year's must-have toy!

December 21, 1999

The Top 14 Reasons It's Better to Shop Online

    1. No need to saw off that damned house arrest anklet.

    2. Wobbly ISP performance not nearly as annoying as wobbly shopping cart wheel.

    3. No more blasts of perfume from the sample counter -- until iSmell becomes available, that is.

    4. The terms of your parole prohibit you from coming within 500 yards of a real Victoria's Secret store.

    5. Don't have to worry about giving in to that Orange Julius temptation.

    6. Since you haven't been able to get through your front door in years, is a Godsend.

    7. Within seconds of buying grandma a large-print bible, you're back to downloading that sweet, sweet porn.

    8. Can continue to test your theory you can live without leaving your specially designed "BioChair 2.

    9. Can openly consult the voices in your head when buying that gift for Jodie Foster.

    10. Less contact with other humans means fewer on your list to be gunned down at a later date.

    11. You can finally get that kidney Uncle Bob always wanted.

    12. In a store, you can't pleasure yourself watching Tommy Lee put it to Pam while your purchase is being wrapped.

    13. No insensitive idiots razzing you about that place you tuck your wallet when you shop naked.

      and the Number 1 Reason It's Better to Shop Online...

    14. When your name is Dick Buttlips, it's better to not have to hand your Visa to a 16 year old sales clerk.

Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 105 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
  • Boyd Johnson, San Diego, CA -- 2 Email
  • Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 3 Email
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 3, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 4, 8 Email
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 5 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 6, 8 Email
  • Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 7 Email
  • Beth Black, Misawa City, Japan -- 9, 11 Email / Email / Website
  • Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 12 Email
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 13
  • Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 13 Email / Website
  • Chris Walker, Calimesa, CA -- 14 Email / Website
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Norman Lazarus, Kissimmee, FL -- Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • The Captain and Tennille, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience     (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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