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ClubTop5
Banned in 17 countries!

December 20, 1999


The Top 15 Disclaimers Found on Toy Boxes
(Part II)


    1. No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.

    2. For children ages 4-10, or really wasted adults.

    3. Not to be confused with "Poke You Man" by Adult Inflatable Products, Ltd.

    4. Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.

    5. Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.

    6. Failure to fall immediately to your knees in gratitude and eternally thank parents for shelling out $400 and waiting in line behind a smelly woman from Jersey City for two hours to *get* your Sega Dreamcast -- hours to *get* your Sega Dreamcast -- especially when you've already got a Playstation and a box full of games that are now headed for the next garage sale -- may result in bodily injury.

    7. Syringe and vaccine sold separately.

    8. Do not stare at product. Hey! You're doing it now! Cut that out!!

    9. In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement.

    10. Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.

    11. For eternal use only.

    12. For best results, consume hard liquor prior to assembly.

    13. Talk to your doctor before using Xenical Barbie. Xenical Barbie not intended for children less than 20% above their ideal weight. Discontinue use if oily leakage occurs.

    14. Replacement blades and toes not included.

      and the Number 1 Disclaimer Found on a Toy Box...

    15. Warning: Although technically a game, Parcheesi sucks.

Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 136 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1 (33rd #1) Email / Hall of Famer
  • John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 2 Email / Website
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 2
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 3
  • Ann Rosenfeld, Austin, TX -- 4
  • Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 5 Email
  • Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 6 Email / Website
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 7, 15
  • Scott Sistek, Seattle, WA -- 8 Email
  • Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI -- 9 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- 9 Email / Website
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 10
  • Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 11 Email
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 11 Email / Website
  • Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA -- 12 Email / Website
  • Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 13 Email
  • Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL -- 14 Email
  • James Holt, Knoxville, TN -- Topic
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag Email
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Goo Goo Dolls, Buffalo, NY -- Ambience     (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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