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December 17, 1999

The Top 15 Disclaimers Found on Toy Boxes
(Part I)

    1. Use as a marital aid nullifies warranty.

    2. Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.

    3. Uranium-236 not included.

    4. As with real appliances, this thing *will* burn your careless ass.

    5. Some dismemberment may occur.

    6. Do not purchase this toy at all. Put it back on the shelf! NOW!! Just walk away, timid little man.

    7. Harmful if swallowed with massive quantities of vodka.

    8. No disrespect intended.

    9. Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously.

    10. Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended.

    11. NOTE: The makers of "Queen Amidala's Naboo Dream Palace" assume no responsibility for the quality of the movie which spawned it.

    12. Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.

    13. Manufacturer not responsible for accidents involving EZ-Bake Oven and Suicide-Watch Barbie.

    14. Caution: "Mack Daddy Ken" is anatomically exaggerated and may excite or frighten little girls and create self esteem problems in little boys.

      and the Number 1 Disclaimer Found on a Toy Box...

    15. Do not place Captain Viagra within 5"-7" of an open flame.

Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 136 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Alan Wagner, Pittsburg, KS -- 1 (3rd #1)
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- HM list name (10th #1) Email
  • Lisa Lavoie, Waltham, MA -- 2, 11 Email
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 3, 5 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 4 Email / Website
  • Laurie Northrup, Clinton, NY -- 6, 13, 15 Website
  • Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA -- 7 Email
  • Christopher Troise, New York, NY -- 8 Email
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 9, Runner Up list name Email / Website
  • Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 10
  • Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI -- 11 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 13
  • Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 14 Email
  • Mark Levine, Los Angeles, CA -- 14 Email
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 15
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Banner Tag Email
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • James Holt, Knoxville, TN -- Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
  • Mighty Purple, New Haven, CT -- Ambience     (explanation)

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