Made on Ganymede
December 13, 1999
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
In Missouri, a court ordered that the Ku Klux Klan
should be allowed to participate in the state's
Adopt-A-Highway program, in which various community
groups occasionally clean up litter along designated
one-mile stretches of highway, in return for a sign
being posted identifying them as the sponsor.
Officials discovered, however, that no sooner do
the Klan signs go up than some rascals take them down.
And with no sign, how do you know if you're on a Klan highway?
We thought you might ask...
The Top 13 Signs You're On a Klan-Adopted Highway
- Signs say, "Clean Sheets -- Next Exit"
- No roadkill in sight -- but the Triple K Diner's Monday special is "Highway Surprise."
- IQ- and Speed-limits are identical: 55
- Every hundred feet, another Clorox Bleach billboard.
- "Soft Shoulder" signs always followed by "Bone-Hard Head" signs.
- Each mileage marker gives distance to Alabama state line.
- Road sign says, "Now entering 19th Century"
- At every exit, another damn Denny's.
- Hand-lettered signs read, "GRAND WIZERD EXRESWAIY"
- Accidentally hit a black bear? Get a good Samaritan award!
- Dorky Day-Glo orange pointy hardhats on roadside workers.
- David Duke personally welcomes you at the toll both.
and the Number 1 Sign You're On a Klan-Adopted Highway...
- Sign reads, "No Oprah for next 200 miles"
Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 142 submissions from 53 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!) Email
- Brad Smith, Encinitas, CA -- 2, 3
- Ken Shinodo, Bend, OR -- 2
- Carla Brandon, San Diego, CA -- 3 Email
- Geoff Brown, Ann Arbor, MI -- 3 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 3 Email / Website
- Chris Walker, Calimesa, CA -- 3 Email / Website
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL -- 4, 6
- Laurie Northrup, Clinton, NY -- 5 Website
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD -- 6, 8 Email / Hall of Famer
- Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA -- 6 Email
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 6
- Mark Levine, Los Angeles, CA -- 7, Topic Email
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 9 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 10
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 11, Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA -- 11 Email / Website
- Tim McKemy, Chandler, AZ -- 11 Email
- Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 12
- David Kass, Queens, NY -- 13
- Ann Rosenfeld, Austin, TX -- 13
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag, Honorable Mention name Email
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- List moderator
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Hall of Famer
- AC/DC, Sydney, Australia -- Ambience (explanation)