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The 176-pound tumor of humor.
January 26, 2004

The Top 15 Signs a Stuntperson Is Over the Hill

    1. Suffers a fatal heart attack when startled by the director's shout of "Action!"

    2. Doesn't mind working while totally engulfed flames, claiming it helps her arthritis.

    3. A high-speed Rascal chase isn't quite what Mr. Tarantino had in mind.

    4. The only explosions he sees these days are inside his Depends.

    5. A delighted sound editor realizes he won't have to over dub the sounds of bones breaking after all.

    6. Still drives his exploding car off a cliff, but now does it with the turn signal on.

    7. Needs constant re-takes of his plunge from the hotel balcony because his dentures keep flying out.

    8. His pre-stunt preparation includes a hot cup of tea, some stretching exercises and a quick peek at his good-luck photo of Teddy Roosevelt.

    9. Once-thrilling car chases now reduced to a Cadillac Fleetwood going 17 mph.

    10. The director decides to let Wilford Brimley do his own stunts.

    11. He's the film's only Tour de France biker with a huge front tire and a tiny rear one.

    12. Politely suggests that "2 Fast 2 Furious" could use a few Studebakers.

    13. Has to be rushed to the ER for injuries sustained in the pie-fight scene.

    14. Thanks to budgetary constraints and some late-starting Metamucil, that impossible-to-reshoot skydiving sequence just got your film an NC-17 rating.

      and the Number 1 Sign a Stuntperson Is Over the Hill...

    15. She lands on the mattress 20 seconds before her breasts do.

Check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

Selected from 92 submissions from 35 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Peg Warner, Exeter, NH -- 1 (20th #1) Website
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 2
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 3, 15 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4, HM list name Hall of Famer
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- 5 Hall of Famer
  • Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6, 10, RU name Website / Hall of Famer
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 6, 10 Hall of Famer
  • Gene Dieden, New Haven, CT -- 6, 11
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 6 Hall of Famer
  • Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 6
  • Beth Kujawski, Crown Point, IN -- 7, 10
  • Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX -- 7
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 7 Hall of Famer
  • Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 7
  • Colleen Stelmaszek, Houston, TX -- 7
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 8 Website
  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 9, 13
  • Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA -- 10, 12
  • Kevin Freels, Walnut Creek, CA -- 11 Website / Hall of Famer
  • Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN -- 13
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 14 Hall of Famer
  • Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA -- Topic
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- Banner Tag
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- HM list name Hall of Famer
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Dave Matthews Band, Virginia -- Ambience   (explanation)

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