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Valentine's Cards
Page 1 | 2 | 3
We've a date tonight,
oh, Valentine!
I hope I can stay calm!
'Cause recently,
I've only dated
the lovely Mrs. Palm.

(Dan Weckerly)

Time to choose your Valentine!
If I don't seem up to snuff,
another case of Ballantine
and I'll look good enough.

(Jeff Scherer)

All around the cobbler's bench,
I'll chase you like a diesel.
How can you tell
when I'm ready for fun?
Pop! goes my weasel!

(Mark Weiss)

Candy, flowers, diamond rings:
all things I can't afford.
I spent my cash on surgery
to add inches to my sword!

(Don Swain)

Let's plan a trip
to the falls of Niagra!
Just me and you
and my Viagra.

(David Scott / Kevin Wickart)

Roses are red
I like Spaghetti-O's.
Now what in the world
rhymes with "fellatio?"

(Mitch Patterson)

You've been alone
for two years now,
and no one has been hittin'.
So please be mine, Monica,
and do me,
like you did Clinton.

(Jonathan Colan)

I'd like to play
a game with you --
I'm thinking Naked Twister.
I'll bring the board
and lots of wine.
Could you please
bring your sister?

(Doug Finney)

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