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Preferred by 4 out of 5 plagiarists
May 18, 2000

The Top 12 Big Surprises in CBS' Jesus Mini-Series
("Is it getting hot in here?" version)

    1. The Last Supper is served by Chippendale waiters.

    2. Loyal followers hummed "I am stuck on Band-Aid brand, 'cause our Lord's stuck on that cross."

    3. To keep TV-G rating, instead of nailed to the cross Christ is just slapped around a bit.

    4. Jesus played "footsies" with Peter during the Last Supper.

    5. "Virgin" Mary? Sure, but only because she had no vodka in her when she conceived.

    6. That camera angle when Sharon Stone as Mary Magdalene uncrossed and crossed her legs.

    7. Christ was actually crucified for flipping off Pontius Pilate in a bar.

    8. The Apostle Martha adds a lovely sprig of baby's breath to the crown of thorns.

    9. Literal interpretation of Scripture by producers has Jesus actually entering the City of Jerusalem on *his* ass.

    10. Those eighteen years of Jesus' life that the bible never talks about? Strip clubs and telemarketing scams.

    11. Mary Magdalene circumcised Jesus with her teeth.

      and the Number 1 Big Surprise in CBS' "Jesus" Mini-Series...

    12. Joseph: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

tx051800.lst" !-->

Selected from 143 submissions from 53 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 1 (23rd #1)
  • Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 2
  • John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 3, 11
  • M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH -- 4
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 5, 8
  • Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 6, 9
  • Beth Gaynor, Columbus, OH -- 7
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 10
  • Colleen Tharme, Mount Clemens, MI -- 12
  • Kevin Freels, Burbank, CA -- Topic
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- Banner Tag
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor
  • Jesus Jones, London, England -- Ambience
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • The Jesus & Mary Chain, Glasgow, Scotland -- Ambience   (explanation)

Top5 Bomb

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Absolutely no publishing or reprinting without prior consent.