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Everybody knows there ain't a sanity clause.
December 20, 2001


Today's list was compiled from suggestions sent
in by our lovely and talented ClubTop5 subscribers.

The Top 17 Signs Your Boss is Really Stupid

    1. Schedules emergency visit to urologist after overhearing office gossip regarding "Peter principle" and "downsizing."

    2. Answers every question with "yes," "no," or "reply hazy, try again later."

    3. Finally traded in the company fleet of Ford Pintos -- for Ford Explorers.

    4. You've just received permission to leave for your 4th fact-finding trip to learn about "Tolkien Ring Networks" this week.

    5. Thinks that by monitoring your e-mail he... is the best loved, nicest and by far the most brilliant boss to work for.

    6. Believes that Britney really *is* a virgin.

    7. You send him a memo saying that for Halloween, you're coming as The Invisible Man -- then you don't come in at all. The next day, he promotes you for your ingenuity.

    8. He's attempting to sleep his way to the top, starting with the CEO's wife.

    9. You receive yet *another* fruit basket after calling in the death of your fifth grandmother this year alone.

    10. Bases the company's budget on the $1,000 each employee was going to receive for forwarding Bill Gates's e-mail.

    11. Despite your constant reminders, the moron can't seem to stop counting at five.

    12. Thinks that "downsizing" means ordering a small drink and fries with his burger.

    13. Had the network customized so that he can print confidential documents directly to the shredder.

    14. Took her a month to figure out that the desk lamp wasn't a "Clapper" like on the night stand at home.

    15. No need to ask for a raise; just approach him repeatedly and ask him if he has two tens for a five.

    16. Ever since he approved your "On-Site Telecommuter" idea, you get to go to the office wearing a robe, Superman underpants, and bunny slippers.

      and the Number 1 Sign Your Boss is Really Stupid...

    17. During meetings, constantly turns to Jesus Gonzalez from Marketing and asks, "What would YOU do?"

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

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Selected from 378 submissions from 193 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • John-Mark Mahnkey, Pullman, WA -- 1 (Woo-hoo!)
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH -- 2
  • Carolyn Rosser, Washington, DC -- 3
  • Brett Wood, Overland Park, KS -- 4
  • Gretchen Stille, Brookfield, IL -- 5
  • Phil Bentley, Austin, TX -- 6
  • Gary Pool, Jefferson City, MO -- 7
  • Donald J. Hunter, Houston, TX -- 7
  • David Snair, Kent, WA -- 8
  • Beth Toll, Phila, PA -- 9
  • Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX -- 9
  • Matt Dalton, Medford, MA -- 9
  • Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ -- 10
  • Audra Whitton, Annandale, VA -- 11
  • Rob Miles, whereabouts unknown -- 12
  • Bruce K. Skillin, Ocean Park, ME -- 13
  • Matt Van Opens, Kenosha, WI -- 14
  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 15
  • Warren Cheney, Angola, NY -- 16
  • Jason C. Levine, Santa Monica, CA -- 17
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- Topic (Hall of Famer)
  • Richard Skora, Columbus, OH -- Banner Tag
  • Derek Seabury, Somerville, MA -- Runner Up list name
  • Caroline Brown, London, UK -- Honorable Mention list name
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Moloko, Sheffield, Yorkshire, England -- Ambience   (explanation)

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