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Photo by Chester Cinque
December 18, 2002

The Top 12 Signs Santa is Sick of Christmas
(Part I)

    1. Now relies on a quick Google image search to see if you've been naughty.

    2. Good, bad or on the fence -- *everyone* gets an AOL CD in their stocking this year.

    3. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, "Yadda, yadda, yadda...."

    4. Sticker on sleigh: "How's my flying? Call 1-800-EAT-SUGARPLUMS"

    5. Former "Naughty/Nice" databases merged into a single "Whatever" database.

    6. Turns Ms. Claus out to work the corner next to the Salvation Army bell ringers.

    7. At midnight on Christmas Eve, gift certificates to magically appear in the e-mail in-boxes of good girls and boys.

    8. New policy this year: Only strippers allowed on his lap.

    9. Hey, kid -- them brown lumps in your stocking ain't coal!

    10. On his personal Christmas list: A George Foreman Grill and "The Ultimate Reindeer Cookbook."

    11. He's assigned numbers to all the countries on Earth and is doing the odd ones this year and the even ones next year.

      and the Number 1 Sign Santa is Sick of Christmas...

    12. This year's #1 stocking stuffers: Elf heads and Rudolph jerky.

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runner up submissions for this list.

Selected from 119 submissions from 45 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Joseph Moore, Concord, CA -- 1, 3 (15th #1) Email
  • Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA -- 1, 7 (4th #1)
  • Doug Finney, Houston, TX -- 1 (11th #1) Email
  • John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 1 (7th #1) Email / Website
  • Chuck Sawyer, Rochester, NY -- 1 (2nd #1)
  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL -- 2
  • Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 4 Email
  • Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX -- 4 Email / Website
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 4
  • Carolyn Rosser, Washington, DC -- 5
  • Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- 6 Website
  • John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI -- 8
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 9, RU list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY -- 10 Email / Website
  • Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 11
  • Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 12 Website
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Topic
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • The Bee Gees, Brisbane, Australia -- Ambience   (explanation)

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