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It's the feel-good list of the season!
December 17, 2001


The Top 15 Things on Santa's To-Do List


    1. Virgin or not, time to move little Miss Britney to the "Naughty" list.

    2. Have the elves increase production on those cheesy Xbox knock-offs.

    3. Cancel wrapping paper order -- use those Enron stock certificates instead.

    4. Decide how to respond to Ashcroft's subpoena demanding information on what foreigners are naughty or nice.

    5. Administer nine little Breathalyzer tests.

    6. File a flight plan with the FAA -- wouldn't want an F-16 wasting the sleigh.

    7. Irradiate all those letters from children -- you can't be too careful!

    8. Remove candy canes from pants pockets during mall photo sessions -- getting tired of explaining things to the D.A.'s office.

    9. Write letter to self asking for threesome with Mrs. Claus and Heidi Klum.

    10. Finally shave the beard now that the Taliban has fallen.

    11. Attend weekly meeting at Nogaholics Anonymous.

    12. Touch up the urine-proof lamination job on the the thighs before heading to the mall.

    13. Visit reindeer stalls to load up on stocking stuffers for a certain Mr. bin Laden.

    14. Prepare a lump of coal with Winona Ryder's name on it.

      and the Number 1 Thing on Santa's To-Do List...

    15. Write back to Susie Winfield of Peoria; ask her how on God's green earth she thinks a whole pony is going to fit down a friggin' chimney.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!


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Selected from 109 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Tom Stoudt, Fort Washington, PA -- 1, 13 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
  • Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL -- 2
  • Allen Lindsey, Cincinnati, OH -- 3, 5
  • Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA -- 4
  • Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- 5
  • Eric Lipton, Chicago, IL -- 6
  • Rob Wolf, Seattle, WA -- 7, Runner Up list name Email
  • Michael Whitmire, Houston, TX -- 8
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 9, 10, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 10 Email
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 11, Banner Tag Email / Website
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 12 Hall of Famer
  • Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 14 Hall of Famer
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 15 Email
  • Joseph Prisco, Ithaca, NY -- 15 Website
  • Chuck Sawyer, Rochester, NY -- Topic
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Bob Rivers, Seattle, WA -- Ambience   (explanation)

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