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TopFive.com
Baby on board
December 11, 1997


The Top 16 Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife
(Part I)


    1. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."

    2. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby!"

    3. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!"

    4. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl."

    5. "Damn if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

    6. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."

    7. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

    8. "I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

    9. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

    10. "Get your *own* ice cream, Buddha!"

    11. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

    12. "Got milk?"

    13. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

    14. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

    15. "Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

      and TopFive's Number 1 Fatal Thing to Say to Your Pregnant Wife...

    16. "You don't have the guts to pull the trigger, Lardass."

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!




Selected from 143 submissions from 52 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • R.M. Weiner, Somerville, MA -- 1 (4th #1) Email
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA -- 2 Email / Hall of Famer
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 3 Email
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI -- 4 Email
  • Martell Stroup, Reno, NV -- 5, 7 Email
  • Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA -- 6 Email
  • Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada -- 8 Email / Website
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 9 Email
  • Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN -- 10 Email
  • Eric Huret, Atlanta, GA -- 11 Email / Website
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 13
  • Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY -- 14 Email
  • Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA -- 15, Topic Email / Website
  • William Gray, San Jose, CA -- 16
  • Robert Sullivan, Salem, OR -- Banner Tag
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/moderator Email / Hall of Famer
  • Dinosaur, Jr., San Francisco, CA -- Ambience

Top5 Bomb

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