December 11, 2002
The Top 15 Elf Pet Peeves
- Icy cold North Pole temperature makes it hard to produce quality elf porn.
- Toil for 365 days a year just to make children smile and no one gives a rat's ass. Meanwhile, frolic around in some stupid "fellowship" with a lousy bow and arrow and all of a sudden you're a hero.
- Company health plan doesn't cover tattoo removal.
- Let's put it this way: If Cardinal Law were Santa's boss, he'd look the other way.
- The EPA's new relaxed reindeer-emissions standards.
- Casual Fridays. Nobody, and I mean *nobody* should have to look at the big guy in a thong.
- The machine in the workshop bathroom only has regular-sized condoms.
- Santa dangling our co-workers from the workshop balcony during ill-conceived publicity stunts.
- Serving as Santa's fluffer while he visits the Naughty list.
- Prancer's habit of freaking out over Rudolph's nose means constantly shampooing reindeer dung out of your hair.
- Reindeer game #12: Elf lacrosse.
- Hard to satisfy the ladies when the North Pole winter shrinks your organ to the size of a Chapstick.
and the Number 1 Elf Pet Peeve...
- That bastard Randy Newman hasn't died yet.
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runner up submissions for this list.
Selected from 147 submissions from 53 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 1 (24th #1) Email / Hall of Famer
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 2 Email / Hall of Famer
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA -- 2 Email / Hall of Famer
- Chris Urich, Herkimer, NY -- 3
- Joseph Prisco, Ithaca, NY -- 4 Website
- Art Kinderbuch, Alexandria, VA -- 5
- Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA -- 6
- Brad Osberg, Calgary, Canada -- 7
- Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 8 (Rookie!)
- Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL -- 9 Hall of Famer
- Brandon Muller, Las Vegas, NV -- 10, 12
- Andy Ihnatko, Boston, MA -- 11
- John Gephart IV, Harrisburg, PA -- 13 Email / Website
- Donald Junter, New Haven, CT -- Topic
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Banner Tag, HM list name Email
- Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Jill Sobule, Denver, CO -- Ambience (explanation)