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Morticia, when you speak French, it drives me wild.

November 2, 1998

The Top 13 Reasons You Didn't
Win the Halloween Costume Contest
(Part II)


    1. After your roommate insists on being the front legs, you begin to suspect that a burrito dinner wasn't such a good idea.

    2. Your "Ally McBeal" just barfed in the judge's trick or treat bag.

    3. The Nike swoosh -- while obscene to some -- is just not all that scary emblazoned on a white sheet.

    4. "Hey! Blue dress with a stain and a cigar! Why didn't I think of that??"

    5. Somehow your Snoop Dog costume just didn't go over that big at the Quayle house.

    6. Your kindergarten students failed to see the irony in your "Road Kill Barney" costume.

    7. Since few people have actually *seen* the Top 5 List moderator, they don't see the authenticity of the drooling and the strong body odor.

    8. Unlike thousands of other Monica look-alikes, the semen on your dress is not *really* the President's semen.

    9. Although your "Internal Bus Architecture of the Celeron Chip" costume was a big hit with the other engineers at the office, things are different out in the real world.

    10. You can't get the zipper on your Bill Clinton costume to stay down.

    11. In order to enter, you'd first have to log off the Internet -- and pornography doesn't just read itself, now does it?

    12. Looks like "Viagra Man" will be spending Halloween in jail for indecent exposure.

      and the Number 1 Reason You Didn't Win the Halloween Costume Contest...

    13. Something in her eyes tells you there was an inherent flaw in your plan of dressing up as the hostess' dead husband in order to get laid.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!


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Selected from 118 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH -- 1 (3rd #1) Email
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 2, 9
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 3, 11 Email / Website
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 4 Email / Website
  • Bo Williams, Huntsville, AL -- 5
  • Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 6
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC -- 7 Email
  • Gerard McDonald, New Haven, CT -- 7
  • Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 8, Topic Email
  • Dave George, Arlington, VA -- 10
  • Gregory Swarthout, Murray, UT -- 10 Email
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 13 Email / Website
  • Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- Banner Tag
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Project Nim, New York, NY -- Ambience

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