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Hot like wasabi when we bust a rhyme!

October 30, 1998

The Top 13 Reasons You Won't
Win the Halloween Costume Contest
(Part I)


    1. The Bride of Frankenstein had big, pointy hair and a small, round ass, not the other way around.

    2. 'Cause you should know that wearing a white sheet in Atlanta could only lead to getting your ass whupped, Homeboy.

    3. Your "Naked Linda Tripp" costume is actually more nauseating than scary.

    4. Your "Yanni" costume got you beat up on the way to the party -- four times.

    5. Your Dirk Diggler costume is merely embarrassing now that your "Diggler" is stuck in your car door.

    6. Your beret falls off every time you kneel.

    7. Yellow Homer Simpson makeup? Check.
      Can of Homer Simpson "Duff Beer"? Check.
      Homer Simpson pants? DOH!!!!

    8. No one can tell whether you came as Abe Vigoda or Marge Schott.

    9. This year's guest judge, Elizabeth Dole, has apparently never even *heard* of Marilyn Manson.

    10. Much to your surprise, three other people came dressed as Nikola Tesla, father of alternating current.

    11. The judges wrongly interpreted your "Liposuction By-product" costume as a "Bowl of Tapioca Pudding" costume.

    12. The only song you knew to go with the costume was "Mammy," and the judges at the NAACP party were *not* impressed.

      and the Number 1 Reason You Won't Win the Halloween Costume Contest...

    13. Nobody likes a farting clown.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!


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Selected from 118 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Jason Anthoine, Alpharetta, GA -- 1, 12 (1st #1!)
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY -- 2 Email / Website
  • Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 3, 11 Email
  • Jon Litfin, Columbus, OH -- 4, 7 Email
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC -- 5 Email
  • Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 6, 8 Email
  • Brian Jones, Atlanta, GA -- 7, Topic Email
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- 9 Email
  • M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH -- 9 Email
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ -- 10
  • Ann Bartow, Dayton, OH -- 11
  • Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 12 Email
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 13 Email
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Barenaked Ladies, Toronto, Canada -- Banner Tag
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • KISS, Long Island, NY -- Ambience

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