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Place on a flat surface, shiny side up.

October 27, 1999

Our friends at the NY Times were tricked into giving
free publicity to a website which supposedly auctions
off the eggs of models to the highest bidders.

The website was actually the brainchild of a man who
has several porn websites online, but the Times
evidently didn't do enough research to uncover that
fact, and instead ran a serious article about the site.

So we here at Top5 decided to provide the good folks
at the Times with material for a follow-up article...

The Top 15 Risks of Buying a Model's Egg

    1. Upon delivery, you discover the egg contains a pair of pantyhose.

    2. Thousands of years of evolution shot all to hell.

    3. Sure, you can *buy* them now -- but you have to wait over 18 years before you can legally have sex with your purchase.

    4. Health conscious models always removing the yolks first.

    5. Conception only possible with sperm from an androgynous rock star.

    6. Baby will insist that umbilical cord be cut only by Vidal Sassoon himself.

    7. Child Protective Services worker just doesn't appreciate how it can eventually get to you when every time you tell him to take out the trash, he enigmatically whispers, "Obsession."

    8. Other kids and their vicious taunts: "Don't hate me because I'm sunny-side up!"

    9. You'll spend a king's ransom for ipecac syrup for the baby.

    10. The kid grows up to resent you because that willowy frame, those long thin legs and those exquisitely tiny hands kept him off the varsity football team.

    11. Photo shoot wind machine keeps blowing your boys upstream.

    12. With your luck, you'll get the egg with recessive supermodel genes and dominant webmaster genes.

    13. Tough for Mr. Tripp to explain to perfectly-fertile wife, Linda.

    14. Upside: Your daughter looks like Kathy Ireland! Downside: Your daughter thinks like Kathy Ireland!

      and the Number 1 Risk of Buying a Supermodel's Egg...

    15. Model eggs rebel at the very thought of being inseminated with *your* ugly-ass nerd sperm.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!

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Selected from 135 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:

  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 1, HM list name (32nd #1) Email / Hall of Famer
  • Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 1 (6th #1) Email
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC -- 2, 15 Hall of Famer
  • Mitch Berg, Saint Paul, MN -- 2 Email / Website
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 3, RU list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 4 Email
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- 5 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- 6, 10 Email / Website
  • Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 7 Email / Website
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY -- 8
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 9 Hall of Famer
  • Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 11 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Christopher Troise, New York, NY -- 12 Email
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 13 Email
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 14 Email
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- Topic Email / Hall of Famer
  • Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA -- Topic
  • Jody LaFerriere, Leominster, MA -- Banner Tag (Rookie!)
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- List moderator
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • The Fifth Dimension, Los Angeles, CA -- Ambience

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