Drop the chalupa!
October 26, 1999
~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
In case you hadn't heard, "King of Pop" Michael Jackson
and his wife of two years (No, that not her age -- it means
they've been married for two years!) have filed for divorce.
The Top 13 Terms of Michael Jackson's Divorce Settlement
- Ms. Rowe to be awarded custody of children; Mr. Jackson to retain possession of Walt Disney's frozen head.
- Mr. Jackson must at all times maintain a distance of at least 500 feet from reality.
- During any future court proceedings, Jackson's lawyers may only approach the bench in triangular wedge formation.
- Michael loses custody of the kids if he is determined by a court-appointed panel to be indistinguishable from Sandy Duncan.
- Before Debbie leaves house with belongings, must submit to frisking by Diana Ross.
- Debbie obtains rights to *Ringo's* songs only.
- Dad gets custody, Mom gets visitation, and Uncle Tito and Uncle Marlon allowed time with the children so they have a chance to learn about their African-American heritage.
- To avoid ambiguity, line #42, para. #7, page #14 - "Mr. Jackson gets to keep all humped animals" to be stricken.
- On holidays and every other weekend, Michael gets to take the kids back to his home planet.
- Visitation rights by People Magazine limited to major holidays.
- In an attempt to improve their self esteem, kids will be told their father is actually Weird Al Yankovic.
- He gets to keep the "Heeeeee!" but she gets the "Sham-mon!!"
and the Number 1 Term of Michael Jackson's Divorce Settlement...
- Michael forbidden to blow Bubbles with the children present.
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Selected from 101 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Lisa Lavoie, Waltham, MA -- 1 (2nd #1) Email
- Chris Walker, Calimesa, CA -- 2 Email / Website
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 3, 9 Email / Hall of Famer
- Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 4 Email / Website
- Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 5, 10, Topic Email / Hall of Famer
- Craig Stacey, Lisle, IL -- 6 Website
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7, 11 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Jack Aubrey, Hampshire, UK -- 8 (Rookie!)
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 12 Email
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 13 Email / Website
- Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- Banner Tag
- Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- Runner Up list name Email
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- List Moderator, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Tammy Wynette, Itawamba County, MS -- Ambience