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Drop the chalupa!

October 26, 1999


~~~ NOTE FROM CHRIS: ~~~
In case you hadn't heard, "King of Pop" Michael Jackson
and his wife of two years (No, that not her age -- it means
they've been married for two years!) have filed for divorce.


The Top 13 Terms of Michael Jackson's Divorce Settlement


    1. Ms. Rowe to be awarded custody of children; Mr. Jackson to retain possession of Walt Disney's frozen head.

    2. Mr. Jackson must at all times maintain a distance of at least 500 feet from reality.

    3. During any future court proceedings, Jackson's lawyers may only approach the bench in triangular wedge formation.

    4. Michael loses custody of the kids if he is determined by a court-appointed panel to be indistinguishable from Sandy Duncan.

    5. Before Debbie leaves house with belongings, must submit to frisking by Diana Ross.

    6. Debbie obtains rights to *Ringo's* songs only.

    7. Dad gets custody, Mom gets visitation, and Uncle Tito and Uncle Marlon allowed time with the children so they have a chance to learn about their African-American heritage.

    8. To avoid ambiguity, line #42, para. #7, page #14 - "Mr. Jackson gets to keep all humped animals" to be stricken.

    9. On holidays and every other weekend, Michael gets to take the kids back to his home planet.

    10. Visitation rights by People Magazine limited to major holidays.

    11. In an attempt to improve their self esteem, kids will be told their father is actually Weird Al Yankovic.

    12. He gets to keep the "Heeeeee!" but she gets the "Sham-mon!!"

      and the Number 1 Term of Michael Jackson's Divorce Settlement...

    13. Michael forbidden to blow Bubbles with the children present.

Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!


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Selected from 101 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Lisa Lavoie, Waltham, MA -- 1 (2nd #1) Email
  • Chris Walker, Calimesa, CA -- 2 Email / Website
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- 3, 9 Email / Hall of Famer
  • Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA -- 4 Email / Website
  • Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 5, 10, Topic Email / Hall of Famer
  • Craig Stacey, Lisle, IL -- 6 Website
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 7, 11 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Jack Aubrey, Hampshire, UK -- 8 (Rookie!)
  • Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- 12 Email
  • Fred Hesby, Portland, OR -- 13 Email / Website
  • Curt Cutting, Santa Monica, CA -- Banner Tag
  • Jeff Rabinowitz, Denver, CO -- Runner Up list name Email
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- List Moderator, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Tammy Wynette, Itawamba County, MS -- Ambience

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