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October 20, 1999
The Top 15 Reasons You Didn't
Win the Nobel Prize This Year
- Your only "research project" culminated in an email to your co-workers describing the physiological traits of Hooters waitresses.
- You beat Wilt's record at 20,001, but no one wants to disrespect a dead man.
- "Peace prize?!? Oh man, I thought you said 'piece' prize! Do you think I could have my Polaroids back?"
- You had to send one too many letter bombs in order to get your thesis published.
- Previous winner: Took vow of poverty and fed starving children. You: Held best friend at gunpoint in your Bronco -- and you *still* haven't found the real killers.
- Your paper: "The Economics of Supersizing It: The Marginal Utility of Fry-Drink Augmentation"
- Just couldn't come up with a good rhyme for "Pawtucket."
- Your project suffered when your intellectual inspiration, Dan Quayle, dropped out of the presidential race.
- Your "perpetual motion machine" looks suspiciously like a drinking bird toy.
- For your entire career, your "booger physics" and "snot as an adhesive" research has been largely ignored.
- It seems the Heisman folks aren't the only ones who frown on stealing clothing.
- That radio feller musta been mistaken when he said folks have won for their work on fishin'.
- You were supposed to clone the entire sheep, not just "the naughty bits."
- Whitey don't give no Nobel Prize for Rap, so who gives a @$%*!?
and the Number 1 Reason You Didn't Win the Nobel Prize This Year...
- Your field: biology.
Your state: Kansas.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
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Selected from 122 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 1 (15th #1) Email / Hall of Famer
- Larry Baum, Hong Kong -- 1 (4th #1) Email
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 2 Email / Hall of Famer
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 3 Email / Hall of Famer
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 4, HM list name Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA -- 5, 11, 12 (Hat trick!) Email
- Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE -- 6
- Craig Stacey, Lisle, IL -- 6 Website
- Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 7, 14
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- 8 Email
- Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 9 Email
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 10, 14 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Chris Walker, Calimesa, CA -- 11, 13
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA -- 13, Topic Email
- Kim Moser, New York, NY -- 15 Email
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- RU list name, Banner Tag Email
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Anita Ward, Memphis, TN -- Ambience