No Root, No Ride
October 18, 1999
The Top 14 Signs You Chose the Wrong Airline
- "If there's a mechanical engineer on board, or even someone who's mechanically inclined, please report immediately to the cockpit."
- Four states and a seatmate's life story later, you realize the plane is not on I-95 just to taxi to the runway.
- The complimentary beverage is Zima laced with horse tranquilizer.
- "...and a special welcome to the Association of Parents with Colicky Triplets!"
- Relaxing music for take off is Buddy Holly's Greatest Hits.
- Phish Air's complimentary bong hits are soured by overwhelming stench of patchouli oil, sweat and nine-year-old Birkenstocks.
- The pilot for your trans-Atlantic crossing? Captain Nemo.
- "And we'd like to welcome all our friends from the Islamic Jihad soccer team..."
- "We only have one peanut, so just suck on it for a minute and then pass it back."
- During her pre-flight demonstration, the flight attendant accidentally inflates her colostomy bag.
- "In case of a water landing, that tubby guy in seat 19F will double as a flotation device."
- After a flock of birds slams into your window, and an attack of vertigo, you begin to think "North By Northwest Airlines" was a bad choice.
- "Our in-flight movie this evening will be camcorder footage from my daughter Ashley's Little League game last night."
and the Number 1 Sign You Chose the Wrong Airline...
- The pre-flight safety video shows a pair of lips, an ass, and the word "Goodbye" printed in twelve different languages.
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
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Selected from 179 submissions from 64 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Elliott Downing, Antioch, CA -- 1 (1st #1 -- Woo-Hoo!)
- Laurie Northrup, Clinton, NY -- 2 Website (Rookie!)
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA -- 3
- Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 4, Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY -- 5 Email
- Eric Huret, Atlanta, GA -- 6 Website
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC -- 7 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 7 Email / Hall of Famer
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- 8 Email / Hall of Famer
- Mark Niebuhr, Minneapolis, MN -- 9
- Lisa Oliver, London, England -- 10 Email
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 11 Email
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA -- 13
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA -- 14 Email / Hall of Famer
- Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- Banner Tag
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA -- Honorable Mention list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA -- Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Topic Email
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- Buddy Holly, Lubbock, TX -- Ambience