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Insert coins, pull handle

October 1, 1999

The Top 13 Signs The Millennium Hype Has Gone Too Far


    1. 2001 Dalmatians just seems like overkill.

    2. National Park Service just paid a consultant six figures to get Old Faithful Y2K compliant.

    3. Dick Clark refuses to do the New Year's show without a bazooka and a vat of boiling oil.

    4. Millions converting to Judaism so this year is actually 5760 and they can skip all this nonsense.

    5. New Charmin Y2Ply!

    6. Chris White blows entire Top5 budget on shotgun shells, Spam, Wild Turkey and "Naked Survivalist" magazines.

    7. They're printing new calendars and everything!

    8. Safeway already advertising "January 2 Carnage-in-the-Streets Canned Food Sale."

    9. When people finally stoop to "Spam Hoarding," everyone just stops and has a good long laugh.

    10. You just saw an ad for Y2K-compliant pants.

    11. Tired of talking about Y2K, the press begins to freak everyone out about the upcoming "Groundhog Day Bug."

    12. You evicted your roommate so you'd have more space to store Vienna sausages.

      and the Number 1 Sign The Millennium Hype Has Gone Too Far...

    13. Freeze-dried meals? Check.
      Bottled water? Check.
      Guns and ammo? Check.
      Frozen sperm for repopulating the world with my seed? Still working on it.

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Selected from 92 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:


  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN -- 1 (18th #1) Hall of Famer
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY -- 2, 11 Email
  • Rachel Blubaugh, Lewisville, TX -- 3, Topic Email / Website
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4, 12, Runner Up list name Email / Hall of Famer
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA -- 5 Email
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA -- 6, 9 Email / Website / Hall of Famer
  • Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- 7 Email
  • William Gray, Mountain View, CA -- 8
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 9
  • Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC -- 10 Email
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA -- 13 Email / Website
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX -- Banner Tag Email
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ -- Honorable Mention list name Email
  • Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
  • Jimmy White, Richland, WA -- Birthday Boy
  • Mighty Purple, New Haven, CT -- Ambience

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