Lifts and separates!
September 29, 1999
The Top 14 Worst Things About Autumn
- Cold mornings followed by hot afternoons leave your nipples exhausted.
- Too cold to have the AC running all the time and still too warm to keep those bodies in the crawl space from going ripe.
- Death. Death surrounds us, infuses the air with its foul presence, sucks life from once-breathing limbs, colors the sky a putrefying grey. Also, ski accessories get marked WAY up.
- Confused young men have no idea where to turn their fancy.
- Dennis Rodman's hair turns from yellow to red.
- Martha Stewart's recipes always seem to feature phallic-shaped squash, sliced.
- Annoying shrieks of the leaves as they hurtle toward the ground -- or am *I* the only one who hears these?
- Terry Bradshaw starts talking, and doesn't stop until late January.
- Chicago Cubs already mathematically eliminated from *next* year's baseball playoffs.
- Getting a bit chilly for the old raincoat trick.
- Classic rock radio's moronic "Zeptember" gives way to even more idiotic "Rocktober."
- Like the autumn leaves, that pair of underwear you've been wearing every day this Summer begins to change to golden browns and yellows.
- End of the summer state fair season means members of the Marshall Tucker Band once again begin roaming the neighborhood looking for grub.
and the Number 1 Worst Thing About Autumn...
- Exploding fragmentation pumpkins (Montana only).
Join ClubTop5 and check out the Runners Up submissions for this list!
Selected from 112 submissions from 42 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors were:
- Patrick Major, Dallas, OR -- 1, 8 (3rd #1) Email
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL -- 2 Hall of Famer
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA -- 3 Email / Hall of Famer
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA -- 4, HM list name Email / Hall of Famer
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA -- 5 Email / Hall of Famer
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY -- 5 Email
- Jeffrey Anbinder, Ithaca, NY -- 5, Runner Up list name Email / Website
- Jonathan D. Colan, Miami, FL -- 6 Email / Hall of Famer
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO -- 6 Email
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA -- 6 Email
- Sue Prifogle Otte, Rushville, IN -- 7 Email
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX -- 9 Email / Hall of Famer
- Gene Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT -- 10
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA -- 11
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA -- 12 Email / Hall of Famer
- John Gennity, Woodhaven, NY -- 13
- Martell Stroup, Boston, MA -- 14 Email
- Kevin Wickart, Normal, IL -- Topic Email
- Wendy Zumpano, Gurnee, IL -- Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY -- List owner/editor Email / Hall of Famer
- The Moody Blues, London, England -- Ambience